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There's a very fine line between giving someone the Heimlich maneuver and dry-humping a stranger.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Giving
Humping
Maneuver
Dry
Stranger
Line
Fine
Lines
Someone

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Sometimes it looks like I'm dancing, but it's just that I walked into a spider web.
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Sometimes if I really want to get someone's attention, I'll start a sentence with something like, I'm not racist, but... I say, I'm not racist, but you look great today. They say, That wasn't racist at all. I said, I know. I said I'm not racist. You never listen. Typical Mexican.
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One time I saw an old man in a hurry and I thought, 'That makes sense.'
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A dreamcatcher works, if your dream is to be gay.
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It's very easy to turn a toy into an adult toy: Location, location, location.
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I think my favorite sound is the sound of someone not playing the bongos.
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Specifically in stand-up, I love jokes. I love short, structured ideas and a punchline.
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Halloween: the day each year when strangers give you even more specific reasons to dislike them based on what they are wearing.
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If I were blind, I'd wear a blindfold all the time.
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If you happen to catch on fire during the show, do not panic or wave your arms around or scream or we wil give something to panic and wave you arms around and scream about.
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It's interesting to be an adult and to have that level of ignorance about something, because the nice part about is you get that discovery. The learning curve is so rich and steep.
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I wanna design a video game where you'd have to take care of all the people shot in all the other video games.
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I'm very hip-oriented. I focus on hips in my comedy - probably more than any other hipster comic who is out there hipping today. My hips, other hips. I work with my hips a great deal. That is what I do. But not in a gay way.
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I wonder if there were any goths in gothic times. They're like: You look completely appropriate. You don't look stupid or lonely at all.
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Planning trip around the globe, that is in my room.
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I was student council president in high school, and even in law school, I was vice-president of the student bar association.
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If you drink enough beer, everything turns in to a bed.
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It's hard to know what's gay in life. Boxing. That's two men fighting over a belt.
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Never forget where you came from. That's what I think when I walk into a cave.
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