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There's a very fine line between giving someone the Heimlich maneuver and dry-humping a stranger.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Giving
Humping
Maneuver
Dry
Stranger
Line
Fine
Lines
Someone
More quotes by Demetri Martin
A refrigerator is the opposite of a drug addict, because a refrigerator starts in a box and then moves to a house.
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Leave no stone unturned in your quest to disrupt a rock garden.
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If I could control the behavior of fat guys I would make them ride mopeds more often.
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A human head looks the least scary when it is attached.
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I wonder if there were any goths in gothic times. They're like: You look completely appropriate. You don't look stupid or lonely at all.
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If I were blind, I'd wear a blindfold all the time.
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I want to commit a crime during a reenactment, and turn it into an enactment.
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I wish my name started with a comma. That would be so dramatic.
Demetri Martin
A parade looks like a bunch of people are excited about being in traffic.
Demetri Martin
Do you have any Greek in you? That was just a tactful way of asking if you're pregnant. If you're not, then let's break up.
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I live in New York and there are a lot of famous... pizzerias in my neighborhood, it's really hard to find one that isn't famous. Which sucks sometimes, you know what I mean, sometimes I don't want all that glitz and glamour, I just want something delicious, you know? I don't need a celebrity in my mouth, Ray's Up And Coming Pizza would be fine.
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The shortest distance between two idiots is a conga line.
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Don't talk to strangers. Sure, unless you want to meet anyone ever.
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The boomerang is Australia's chief export (and then import).
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The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.
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Easy way to make someone sound less powerful, just put DJ in front of their name... ..DJ Abraham Lincoln
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Separate but equal is terrible for education but it's perfect for eyebrows.
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When I am holding a water balloon, so many things look so unnecessarily dry.
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To get strangers to hate you even faster, crank up the volume on that very interesting ringtone of yours.
Demetri Martin
If I make my window ten days for stand-up, the conclusion is that I failed and that I'm not good at stand-up. If I make it ten years - if I just wait - the conclusion might be something totally different. I think it's so cool to do things in which you discover the malleability of your own mind.
Demetri Martin