Quote

I am everything and I am nothing. I am just kidding I am not everything and nothing. That would be ridiculous. I am just everything.

Demetri Martin

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Kidding
Ridiculous
Everything
Nothing
Would

More quotes by Demetri Martin

Image
I like digital cameras, because they enable you to reminisce immediately.
Demetri Martin
Image
Small businesses are important, but so are tiny businesses.
Demetri Martin
Image
I walk around and think about things. When I come across a thought that makes me laugh, I write it down. Then, at night, I say the thought to people through a microphone. I don't think about politics or pop culture very much, so those thoughts don't often make it to the microphone.
Demetri Martin
Image
How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.
Demetri Martin
Image
It would be interesting if Elvis were reincarnated as an Elvis impersonator.
Demetri Martin
Image
I want to get the joke to work without having to put any words or to say anything. I just want the person to look at it, and quietly in their brain, they can just put it together and say, Cool, that one works.
Demetri Martin
Image
I was walking in the park and this guy waved at me. Then he said, 'I'm sorry, I thought you were someone else.' I said, 'I am.'
Demetri Martin
Image
Don't forget to turn your clocks back today if you don't want your clocks to be set to the right time.
Demetri Martin
Image
If only loud people were even half as interesting as they think they are.
Demetri Martin
Image
Timing is everything. That's a cliche. Now. If I'd said that a long time ago, I'd have been original.
Demetri Martin
Image
A Wednesday with no rain is a dry hump day.
Demetri Martin
Image
Artistically, I find jokes really satisfying aesthetically, because there's something great about getting an idea down to a sentence or two.
Demetri Martin
Image
As a comic, I think I'm very verbally oriented about a lot of the stuff that I've written or thought up and how I say it.
Demetri Martin
Image
I went into a clothing store, and the lady asked me what size I was. I said, 'Actual'. I'm not to scale.
Demetri Martin
Image
I think it would be worse to get mauled by a dancing bear than just a regular bear because you can't totally blame the dancing bear.
Demetri Martin
Image
Sometimes I feel like I'm being watched, but then I remember that my show was canceled three years ago.
Demetri Martin
Image
99.99% of all castles in America are located in fish tanks.
Demetri Martin
Image
I don't think I ever wrote a song. I can write a lot of jokes, but when I try to write lyrics they're the most direct, non-figurative words, like, 'I like you, I like you,'... and that's it, for the whole song. People would go, 'Ooh, this guy's Dylan or something.' It gives me a lot more respect for songwriters, actually.
Demetri Martin
Image
I wanna put stickers on turtles... I don't know why.
Demetri Martin
Image
When someone shows you a picture of their kids what they don't want to hear is Oh, yeah, I got pictures of your kid too.
Demetri Martin