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Vampire fad just won't die. Makes sense, I guess.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Vampire
Guess
Dies
Sense
Makes
Fads

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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The difference between a child's toy and an adult toy is: location, location, location.
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A lot of things look cooler in slow motion. Eating isn't one of them.
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This is a pie chart about procrastination.
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I think there are so many little hurdles and impediments with stand-up that you'd need to have this insane desire to do it if you didn't have something that clicked right away.
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The shortest feedback loop I can think of is doing improvisation in front of an audience.
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Never forget where you came from. That's what I think when I walk into a cave.
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I'm so secretive that when someone asks me, Hey, can you keep a secret? I say That's none of your business.
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I have fun acting, and I want to do more of it, and I want to direct my own movie.
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As a comic, I think I'm very verbally oriented about a lot of the stuff that I've written or thought up and how I say it.
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Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.
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If you drink enough beer, everything turns in to a bed.
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It's not enough to say I'm sorry. You have to also mean it. It's the same with saying I'm single.
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I am what I eat. And I am this especially when I bite my nails.
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Nothing wise was ever printed upon an apron.
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To me, comedy is a game.
Demetri Martin
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The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.
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I like to go to concerts because I love to see my favorite band through the phone of the asshole who's standing in front of me.
Demetri Martin
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Socrates became a trendsetter. Other philosophers, including Plato and Aristotle and Gus, quickly followed suit, dropping their last names too. And, for centuries after that there would be countless imitators including oltaire, Michelangelo, and, much later, Cher.
Demetri Martin
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How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.
Demetri Martin
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I didn't do improv in college, I never performed, I didn't do theater either. I was in student government, I was a history major.
Demetri Martin