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Vampire fad just won't die. Makes sense, I guess.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Makes
Fads
Vampire
Guess
Dies
Sense

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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The bird, the bee, the running child are all the same to the sliding glass door.
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If I were blind, I'd wear a blindfold all the time.
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To get strangers to hate you even faster, crank up the volume on that very interesting ringtone of yours.
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The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
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Coffee is like a bra. 3 cups is one too many.
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If you remove a treehouse from a tree, than it's just a shitty house. Sometimes when i'm in a shitty house, I like to imagine that it's in a tree, than it's like Woah, this house is amazing.
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Cotton candy is the perfect snack for when I'm in the mood to eat dry, scratchy fabric.
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The key to life is balance, especially if you are on a ledge.
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Brought to you by raising your voice. The next best thing to being right.
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If only loud people were even half as interesting as they think they are.
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I got some new pajamas with pockets in 'em. Which is great, because before that, I used to have to hold stuff when I slept. But now I'm like, 'Where's my planner? There it is. Keep sleeping. All right, perfect.'
Demetri Martin
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If I think of a joke that's really dirty and I think it's funny I'll try it but what I've found over the years is they just don't laugh. It doesn't work coming out of my mouth so it's like they taught me 'don't do that. Don't go that way or you'll lose me.'
Demetri Martin
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I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything.
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You never forget your first kiss. And that's what makes it so hard to forgive my uncle.
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When I look up at the clouds I see so many animals, mostly sheep who have lost their limbs and heads.
Demetri Martin
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Surprise parties are strange 'cause people jump up and they yell the word, 'surprise' at the party. I came home and you emerged from my furniture. You don't have to tell me how to feel. I don't need a hint.
Demetri Martin
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Whenever I throw caution to the wind I make sure I'm facing the right way so that it doesn't blow back and hit me in my face.
Demetri Martin
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I wasn't even a big comedy nerd. A lot of the comedians I know - a lot of my friends are comedians - they knew a lot about comedy growing up.
Demetri Martin
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I wasn't the class clown, but I was starting to become the crazy guy at law school, which is the guy who is not so much crazy as annoying.
Demetri Martin
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Halloween's my favorite holiday because you don't have to spend it with your family.
Demetri Martin