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Vampire fad just won't die. Makes sense, I guess.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Fads
Vampire
Guess
Dies
Sense
Makes

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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I wish I lived next to Carnegie Hall. Then, if someone asked me how to get to my house, I would just say 'Practice, practice, practice, and then take a left.'
Demetri Martin
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I like shorter jokes. I like fewer words. I think the more ideas there are the, the fewer words there should be.
Demetri Martin
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I've learned something on the road, traveling around: state shapes. The easier it is to draw the shape of the state, the harder it is to live in that state. So, if you live in a regular polygon, get the hell outta there. You gotta move to a squiggly area. Culture's attracted to squiggles.
Demetri Martin
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It's hard to know what's gay in life. Boxing. That's two men fighting over a belt.
Demetri Martin
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The best way to make somebody feel important is to try to assassinate them.
Demetri Martin
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I wanna design a video game where you'd have to take care of all the people shot in all the other video games.
Demetri Martin
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I think a lot of people who watch TV don't realize when they're watch TV shows and it says 'produced by' and producer, producer... there are all these producers. What the hell does a producer do? It's funny how much you have to worry about as a producer.
Demetri Martin
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Sometimes it looks like I'm dancing, but it's just that I walked into a spider web.
Demetri Martin
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REGARDING THE MARCHING BAND: How much more interesting it would be to see a creeping band.
Demetri Martin
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I thought I would, you know, go to college, get to law school, finish, and then get a job and work as a lawyer, but that proved to be not a good fit for me.
Demetri Martin
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If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I'd probably just start calling out letters.
Demetri Martin
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I was student council president in high school, and even in law school, I was vice-president of the student bar association.
Demetri Martin
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When watering your plants, try to talk to them - say something like, Hold it right there and then shoot them with water gun.
Demetri Martin
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To look like you are a real sports fan, when there is a game on TV just yell, Oh, come on! every now and then at the TV.
Demetri Martin
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I want to launch a globe into space just to mess with the astronauts.
Demetri Martin
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People and squirrels are very different. Most people will not argue that. But I find that there is one situation in which they're very similar. And that is: when I am driving towards them in my car. Then they're kind of hard to tell apart - especially if the human is kind of hairy.
Demetri Martin
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I just found out that I have more allies than America!
Demetri Martin
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If you want to dry hump someone you don't know, just act like they were choking.
Demetri Martin
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If you remove a treehouse from a tree, than it's just a shitty house. Sometimes when i'm in a shitty house, I like to imagine that it's in a tree, than it's like Woah, this house is amazing.
Demetri Martin
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Never forget where you came from. That's what I think when I walk into a cave.
Demetri Martin