Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
As soon as I jumped out of the airplane, I realized I had forgotten my parachute. Thank God we were still on the runway.
Demetri Martin
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Airplane
Thank
Realized
Forgotten
Soon
Parachute
Stills
Parachutes
Still
Runway
Jumped
More quotes by Demetri Martin
When a Dalmatian sees a cow he must be like, 'What the hell happened to him? I am high right now. That dalmatian is fat and smeary.' When the cow sees the Dalmatian he must be like, 'He looks amazing. I am so out of shape, this is ridiculous. My tits are on the ground here.
Demetri Martin
I never set out to do a sketch show.
Demetri Martin
If you want to dry hump someone you don't know, just act like they were choking.
Demetri Martin
Overheard today in restaurant: Can you stop listening to our conversation?
Demetri Martin
I'm very hip-oriented. I focus on hips in my comedy - probably more than any other hipster comic who is out there hipping today. My hips, other hips. I work with my hips a great deal. That is what I do. But not in a gay way.
Demetri Martin
Right now someone out there is struggling and starting to panic because they can't get out of a tempurpedic bed.
Demetri Martin
If I were blind, I'd wear a blindfold all the time.
Demetri Martin
A dreamcatcher works, if your dream is to be gay.
Demetri Martin
I ordered a wake-up call the other day. The phone rang and a woman's voice said, 'What the hell are you doing with your life?'
Demetri Martin
Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea, then I can just go and tell some people and if they laugh, they laugh right away.
Demetri Martin
Turtles are greater than baby nephews, because it's ok to drop a turtle.
Demetri Martin
When people show me pictures of their kids, it's okay. But when I give them a picture of me, to show to their kids, I'm weird. What kind of one way street is that?
Demetri Martin
I like to go to concerts because I love to see my favorite band through the phone of the asshole who's standing in front of me.
Demetri Martin
I wonder if, as a society, we will ever be able to call someone a jive tofurkey.
Demetri Martin
But I found that disappointing people is a good thing, because disapproval is freedom.
Demetri Martin
When someone describes themself as a taxpayer, they're about to be an asshole.
Demetri Martin
It's very easy to turn a toy into an adult toy: Location, location, location.
Demetri Martin
You never forget your first kiss. And that's what makes it so hard to forgive my uncle.
Demetri Martin
It is interesting that the black BMW is the preferred car of so many assholes.
Demetri Martin
Never be less interesting than your refrigerator magnets.
Demetri Martin
