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As soon as I jumped out of the airplane, I realized I had forgotten my parachute. Thank God we were still on the runway.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Realized
Forgotten
Soon
Parachute
Stills
Parachutes
Still
Runway
Jumped
Airplane
Thank
More quotes by Demetri Martin
I am a man of my word… and that word is “unreliable.
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Coffee is like a bra. 3 cups is one too many.
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The shortest feedback loop I can think of is doing improvisation in front of an audience.
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My family was fine, it's just a different way of going about life. Creativity was not something that was isolated and identified and valued.
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Don't talk to strangers. Sure, unless you want to meet anyone ever.
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I think since I was kid people told me that they thought I was funny.
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Socrates became a trendsetter. Other philosophers, including Plato and Aristotle and Gus, quickly followed suit, dropping their last names too. And, for centuries after that there would be countless imitators including oltaire, Michelangelo, and, much later, Cher.
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I think hair gel was invented to make it easier to identify assholes from a distance.
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I am sometimes referred to as Excuse Me in an annoyed tone of voice, because apparently I am in the way. I am so sorry. I am supposed to be some sort of mind reader, I guess. I am moving out of the way now as slowly as I possibly can. I am doing this and there's nothing you can do about it.
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The sofa is the enemy of productivity.
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I want to get the joke to work without having to put any words or to say anything. I just want the person to look at it, and quietly in their brain, they can just put it together and say, Cool, that one works.
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When I am given a multiple choice test I choose not to take it.
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To remove blood stains from your conscience try frozen margaritas.
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Halloween's my favorite holiday because you don't have to spend it with your family.
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I'm very hip-oriented. I focus on hips in my comedy - probably more than any other hipster comic who is out there hipping today. My hips, other hips. I work with my hips a great deal. That is what I do. But not in a gay way.
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I think there's a difference between making comedy and reporting comedy. When you're a joke teller you can easily fall into the second, you can show up and just say the jokes.
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I've heard of many chocoholics, but I ain't never seen no chocohol. We got an epidemic, people: people who like chocolate but don't understand word endings. They're probably over-workaholled.
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My policy is 'No stone throwing regardless of housing situation.'
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At any minute, I am four minutes from a poncho.
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I used to get bummed out when it rained then I realized that it's God's way of washing off hippies.
Demetri Martin
