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It is interesting that the black BMW is the preferred car of so many assholes.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Interesting
Black
Many
Assholes
Preferred
Car
More quotes by Demetri Martin
I was on the train the other day, and I heard somebody say, I'm really good at checkers. That's the same thing as saying, I'm not good at very many things.
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I saw a transvestite wearing a T-shirt that said 'Guess'.
Demetri Martin
I remember when I used to be really into nostalgia.
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The chances of someone who looks like Jesus having pot raises steadily, to a point. If the guy is on a cross you may have the wrong guy.
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I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything.
Demetri Martin
Your mind is like a sponge, in the sense that it would come in handy when cleaning off a countertop or something like that.
Demetri Martin
Brought to you by raising your voice. The next best thing to being right.
Demetri Martin
How to be a bouncer: be an asshole stand near a door.
Demetri Martin
I would like to have windshield wipers that do the whole windshield, please.
Demetri Martin
99.99% of all castles in America are located in fish tanks.
Demetri Martin
A refrigerator is the opposite of a drug addict, because a refrigerator starts in a box and then moves to a house.
Demetri Martin
To get strangers to hate you even faster, crank up the volume on that very interesting ringtone of yours.
Demetri Martin
When someone shows you a picture of their kids what they don't want to hear is Oh, yeah, I got pictures of your kid too.
Demetri Martin
If you remove a treehouse from a tree, than it's just a shitty house. Sometimes when i'm in a shitty house, I like to imagine that it's in a tree, than it's like Woah, this house is amazing.
Demetri Martin
To remove blood stains from your conscience try frozen margaritas.
Demetri Martin
I was seeing this girl and she wanted to get more serious. But I wasn't ready to, I had just gotten out of a difficult relationship before that. So I said to her, 'Listen, you have to understand something. Relationships are like eyebrows. It's better when there's a space between them.' And that's coming from a Greek guy.
Demetri Martin
To me, comedy is a game.
Demetri Martin
Popcorn is one of the only situations in which you eat the result of an explosion.
Demetri Martin
You get really disillusioned, because you thought you were in love. But you realize that you're just alone.
Demetri Martin
I'm so secretive that when someone asks me, Hey, can you keep a secret? I say That's none of your business.
Demetri Martin
