Quote

Halloween: the day each year when strangers give you even more specific reasons to dislike them based on what they are wearing.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Years
Stranger
Reasons
Based
Day
Year
Halloween
Give
Strangers
Reason
Dislike
Giving
Specific
Even
Wearing

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They say that structure is freedom, and in a sense it is. When you're dealing with multiple constraints, you have to figure out what you can get out of that.
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Overheard today in restaurant: Can you stop listening to our conversation?
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The boomerang is Australia's chief export (and then import).
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I think hair gel was invented to make it easier to identify assholes from a distance.
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I got some new pajamas with pockets in 'em. Which is great, because before that, I used to have to hold stuff when I slept. But now I'm like, 'Where's my planner? There it is. Keep sleeping. All right, perfect.'
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It feels like every day or two, people on Twitter and the Internet are outraged about something.
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When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.
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I've learned something on the road, traveling around: state shapes. The easier it is to draw the shape of the state, the harder it is to live in that state. So, if you live in a regular polygon, get the hell outta there. You gotta move to a squiggly area. Culture's attracted to squiggles.
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I think it would be worse to get mauled by a dancing bear than just a regular bear because you can't totally blame the dancing bear.
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If you remove a treehouse from a tree, than it's just a shitty house. Sometimes when i'm in a shitty house, I like to imagine that it's in a tree, than it's like Woah, this house is amazing.
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And as far as actors go, Peter Sellers is my all-time favorite.
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A sports bar is a way to take a bar and fill it with even more annoying people than usual.
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I saw a sign that said, 'Watch for children.' I was like, 'That sounds like a fair trade - especially if they're crappy kids.'
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I like digital cameras, because they enable you to reminisce immediately.
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One of my favorite clothing patterns is camouflage. Because when you're in the woods it makes you blend in. But when you're not it does just the opposite. It's like, 'Hey, there's an asshole.'
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When watering your plants, try to talk to them - say something like, Hold it right there and then shoot them with water gun.
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People only mention it's a free country if they're doing something shitty.
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As a comic, I think I'm very verbally oriented about a lot of the stuff that I've written or thought up and how I say it.
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I don't think I ever wrote a song. I can write a lot of jokes, but when I try to write lyrics they're the most direct, non-figurative words, like, 'I like you, I like you,'... and that's it, for the whole song. People would go, 'Ooh, this guy's Dylan or something.' It gives me a lot more respect for songwriters, actually.
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