Quote

Halloween: the day each year when strangers give you even more specific reasons to dislike them based on what they are wearing.

Demetri Martin

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TAGS & TOPICS

Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Years
Stranger
Reasons
Based
Day
Year
Halloween
Give
Strangers
Reason
Dislike
Giving
Specific
Even
Wearing

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The problem with my balloon collection is that people always think there's a party. Settle down. It's not a party. It's just balloons.
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I'm very hip-oriented. I focus on hips in my comedy - probably more than any other hipster comic who is out there hipping today. My hips, other hips. I work with my hips a great deal. That is what I do. But not in a gay way.
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Having a beard is a good way to make your face more susceptible to velcro.
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Automatic paper towel dispensers are a solution to something that was never a problem in the first place.
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Overheard today in restaurant: Can you stop listening to our conversation?
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I think hair gel was invented to make it easier to identify assholes from a distance.
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I didn't do improv in college, I never performed, I didn't do theater either. I was in student government, I was a history major.
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I'm so secretive that when someone asks me, Hey, can you keep a secret? I say That's none of your business.
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I wasn't even a big comedy nerd. A lot of the comedians I know - a lot of my friends are comedians - they knew a lot about comedy growing up.
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Sometimes I feel like I'm being watched, but then I remember that my show was canceled three years ago.
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Leave no stone unturned in your quest to disrupt a rock garden.
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The chances of someone who looks like Jesus having pot raises steadily, to a point. If the guy is on a cross you may have the wrong guy.
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Why are there not positive mysteries? It's always who stole the diamond, or who killed the butler? How about... who made cookies, somebody cleaned my room.
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I have an erratic drummer for anybody who's just listening to this, he can keep time, but just in spurts.
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I like to go to concerts because I love to see my favorite band through the phone of the asshole who's standing in front of me.
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I want to commit a crime during a reenactment, and turn it into an enactment.
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I live in New York and there are a lot of famous... pizzerias in my neighborhood, it's really hard to find one that isn't famous. Which sucks sometimes, you know what I mean, sometimes I don't want all that glitz and glamour, I just want something delicious, you know? I don't need a celebrity in my mouth, Ray's Up And Coming Pizza would be fine.
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Now I got a time machine at home. It only goes foreword at regular speed. It's essentially a cardboard box and on the outside I wrote time machine in sharpie.
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I wanna put stickers on turtles... I don't know why.
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The difference between a child's toy and an adult toy is: location, location, location.
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