Quote

Halloween: the day each year when strangers give you even more specific reasons to dislike them based on what they are wearing.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Based
Day
Year
Halloween
Give
Strangers
Reason
Dislike
Giving
Specific
Even
Wearing
Years
Stranger
Reasons

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My policy is 'No stone throwing regardless of housing situation.'
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When I trip, I feel like that's the world saying come here for a second. It just pulls me closer for a second, yeah what do you want? I just want to remind you that you're uncoordinated. I'm aware of that, thank you... can I go now? Yeah, you can go, but never ever try to outrun me. Ok, world, see you later. Yeah, I'll see you in about 50 years.
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When people show me pictures of their kids, it's okay. But when I give them a picture of me, to show to their kids, I'm weird. What kind of one way street is that?
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I was a good student when I was a kid, and I did everything I was supposed to do, and I got A's.
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Swimming is a confusing sport, because sometimes you do it for fun, and other times you do it to not die. And when I'm swimming, sometimes I'm not sure which one it is.
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I saw a transvestite wearing a T-shirt that said 'Guess'.
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Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.
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The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you're signing somebody's cast.
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One of my favorite clothing patterns is camouflage. Because when you're in the woods it makes you blend in. But when you're not it does just the opposite. It's like, 'Hey, there's an asshole.'
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Sometimes I feel like I'm being watched, but then I remember that my show was canceled three years ago.
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You can say 'Thanks,' and you can say 'Thanks a Million' - but any number in between?
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It's always helpful to remember that in the grand scheme of things you are much more important than... um, wait, than... something, maybe.
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If I make my window ten days for stand-up, the conclusion is that I failed and that I'm not good at stand-up. If I make it ten years - if I just wait - the conclusion might be something totally different. I think it's so cool to do things in which you discover the malleability of your own mind.
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I used to get bummed out when it rained then I realized that it's God's way of washing off hippies.
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Popcorn is one of the only situations in which you eat the result of an explosion.
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One thing you never hear is Man that guy is good at badminton.
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I think hair gel was invented to make it easier to identify assholes from a distance.
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Brought to you by raising your voice. The next best thing to being right.
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Timing is everything. That's a cliche. Now. If I'd said that a long time ago, I'd have been original.
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I am what I eat. And I am this especially when I bite my nails.
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