Quote

I'm not a lawmaker, but I was thinking that if you have a really loud ring tone, maybe you should be stabbed in the ear?

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Melody
Rings
Tone
Loud
Ears
Lawmaker
Maybe
Lawmakers
Really
Stabbed
Thinking
Ring

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It's interesting to be an adult and to have that level of ignorance about something, because the nice part about is you get that discovery. The learning curve is so rich and steep.
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Batteries are the most dramatic object. Other things stop working or they break, But Batteries... They Die.
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I don't like thank you cards because I don't know what else to say. What do I put on the inside? See Front.
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I bought a dictionary. First thing I did was, I looked up the word dictionary, and it said you're an asshole.
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Overheard today in restaurant: Can you stop listening to our conversation?
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In retrospect, everything is finite, but prospectively, there are infinite possibilities. I guess that's what makes life hopeful.
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I've heard of many chocoholics, but I ain't never seen no chocohol. We got an epidemic, people: people who like chocolate but don't understand word endings. They're probably over-workaholled.
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I wish my name started with a comma. That would be so dramatic.
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How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.
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If you drink enough beer, everything turns in to a bed.
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You get really disillusioned, because you thought you were in love. But you realize that you're just alone.
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The earth without art is just eh.
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A Wednesday with no rain is a dry hump day.
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I want to launch a globe into space just to mess with the astronauts.
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I go the gym and I try to run on the treadmill and I listen to music but it doesn't motivate me enough. So I'm going to get a recording of a pack of wolves gaining on me. People would be like, 'Why is that guy crying on that treadmill over there?' 'I don't know, but he's been yelling, 'help' for like 20 minutes. He's getting a good workout.
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You mock those who blindly follow the majority...turn your attention now to those who are so dedicated to deviating from the norm that they would gladly cease breathing if it were suggested to them that inhalation was a form of conformity for they deserve just as much scrutiny and ridicule.
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Whenever I see an autobiography for sale in the book store i just flip to the about the author section. I'm like, Done, next!
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I was walking in the park and this guy waved at me. Then he said, 'I'm sorry, I thought you were someone else.' I said, 'I am.'
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If you stretched the average person's intestines out from end to end, it would make them scream a lot.
Demetri Martin