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I think it would be worse to get mauled by a dancing bear than just a regular bear because you can't totally blame the dancing bear.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Totally
Dancing
Blame
Worse
Bears
Would
Mauled
Think
Regular
Thinking
Bear

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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I didn't do improv in college, I never performed, I didn't do theater either. I was in student government, I was a history major.
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Sometimes it looks like I'm dancing, but it's just that I walked into a spider web.
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I wanna design a video game where you'd have to take care of all the people shot in all the other video games.
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There's a store in my neighborhood called Futon World. I like that name, 'Futon World.' Makes me think of a magical place that gets less and less comfortable over time.
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The key to life is balance, especially if you are on a ledge.
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As a comic, I think I'm very verbally oriented about a lot of the stuff that I've written or thought up and how I say it.
Demetri Martin
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I like to go to concerts because I love to see my favorite band through the phone of the asshole who's standing in front of me.
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Do you have any Greek in you? That was just a tactful way of asking if you're pregnant. If you're not, then let's break up.
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I can always tell how stupid someone is by how certain they are about what they're saying.
Demetri Martin
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The boomerang is Australia's chief export (and then import).
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Socrates became a trendsetter. Other philosophers, including Plato and Aristotle and Gus, quickly followed suit, dropping their last names too. And, for centuries after that there would be countless imitators including oltaire, Michelangelo, and, much later, Cher.
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When there's someone who's dead and then someone does something that that person would not have liked, they say that that person is spinning in their grave. But I don't understand why they say that. Why is spinning the way that a corpse shows disapproval?
Demetri Martin
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I think it would be cool if you were writing a ransom note on your computer, if the paper clip popped up and said, 'Looks like you're writing a ransom note. Need help? You should use more forceful language, you'll get more money.'
Demetri Martin
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I was student council president in high school, and even in law school, I was vice-president of the student bar association.
Demetri Martin
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Man is the most powerful creature on the planet. And we're arrogant. I mean, people own birds. It's like, there's a creature with the gift of flight. I want it. I'm going to put it in my kitchen and make it crap on old information.
Demetri Martin
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Having a beard is a good way to make your face more susceptible to velcro.
Demetri Martin
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When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.
Demetri Martin
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Nothing wise was ever printed upon an apron.
Demetri Martin
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I'm a body builder, but I don't use weights. I use snacks. It's kind of a different building process.
Demetri Martin
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A know-it-all is a person who knows everything except for how annoying he is.
Demetri Martin