Quote

I think it would be worse to get mauled by a dancing bear than just a regular bear because you can't totally blame the dancing bear.

Demetri Martin

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Dancing
Blame
Worse
Bears
Would
Mauled
Think
Regular
Thinking
Bear
Totally

More quotes by Demetri Martin

Image
When you're wearing an animal costume and something bad happens, your facial expression doesn't change. The animal is deadpan the whole time. If you're skiing in a gorilla suit and you fall, you just see a gorilla who has no emotion. It's just a stoic gorilla, wildly falling down a hill, out of control.
Demetri Martin
Image
I've never read an article of clothing.
Demetri Martin
Image
When I am holding a water balloon, so many things look so unnecessarily dry.
Demetri Martin
Image
The chances of someone who looks like Jesus having pot raises steadily, to a point. If the guy is on a cross you may have the wrong guy.
Demetri Martin
Image
One time I saw an old man in a hurry and I thought, 'That makes sense.'
Demetri Martin
Image
I want to make a revolving door that says 'Pull' on it, just see how obedient people are.
Demetri Martin
Image
Cotton candy is the perfect snack for when I'm in the mood to eat dry, scratchy fabric.
Demetri Martin
Image
I want to commit a crime during a reenactment, and turn it into an enactment.
Demetri Martin
Image
Timing is everything. That's a cliche. Now. If I'd said that a long time ago, I'd have been original.
Demetri Martin
Image
I wonder if, as a society, we will ever be able to call someone a jive tofurkey.
Demetri Martin
Image
Statistics indicate that the average American is a guy named Brian who lives in Ohio.
Demetri Martin
Image
I have fun acting, and I want to do more of it, and I want to direct my own movie.
Demetri Martin
Image
When telling a story about how wasted you were last night, stop.
Demetri Martin
Image
It is interesting that the black BMW is the preferred car of so many assholes.
Demetri Martin
Image
I've learned something on the road, traveling around: state shapes. The easier it is to draw the shape of the state, the harder it is to live in that state. So, if you live in a regular polygon, get the hell outta there. You gotta move to a squiggly area. Culture's attracted to squiggles.
Demetri Martin
Image
There's a store in my neighborhood called Futon World. I like that name, 'Futon World.' Makes me think of a magical place that gets less and less comfortable over time.
Demetri Martin
Image
Mosquito bites Jesus, receives communion.
Demetri Martin
Image
Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies.
Demetri Martin
Image
I never went bungee jumping. The closest I did was I was born.
Demetri Martin
Image
A know-it-all is a person who knows everything except for how annoying he is.
Demetri Martin