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I think it would be worse to get mauled by a dancing bear than just a regular bear because you can't totally blame the dancing bear.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Think
Regular
Thinking
Bear
Totally
Dancing
Blame
Worse
Bears
Would
Mauled

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I bought a new pair of pajamas with pockets, which is great, cause now i don't have to hold things when I sleep.
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The bird, the bee, the running child are all the same to the sliding glass door.
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I'm very hip-oriented. I focus on hips in my comedy - probably more than any other hipster comic who is out there hipping today. My hips, other hips. I work with my hips a great deal. That is what I do. But not in a gay way.
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A jerk on a motorcycle is equal to a leaf, because I find it beautiful when these things fall.
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Everybody knew that you should never provoke a rattlesnake, much less tie it into a bow. But that didn't stop Judd. What did stop him was the rattlesnake.
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I like digital cameras, because they enable you to reminisce immediately.
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I set a personal record on Christmas. I got my shopping done three weeks ahead of time. I had all the presents back at my apartment, I was halfway through wrapping them, and I realized, 'Damn, I used the wrong wrapping paper.' The paper I used said, 'Happy Birthday.' I didn't want to waste it, so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it.
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I think it's cool when an ex-girlfriend becomes an XL girlfriend.
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If I have to move up in a building, I choose the elevator over the escalator. Because one time I was riding the escalator and I tripped. I fell down the stairs for an hour and a half.
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I'm a body builder, but I don't use weights. I use snacks. It's kind of a different building process.
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I think there are so many little hurdles and impediments with stand-up that you'd need to have this insane desire to do it if you didn't have something that clicked right away.
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The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
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The key to life is balance, especially if you are on a ledge.
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You never forget your first kiss. And that's what makes it so hard to forgive my uncle.
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I can always tell how stupid someone is by how certain they are about what they're saying.
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I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.
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Count your blessings, but not out-loud, at the top of your lungs.
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I think my favorite sound is the sound of someone not playing the bongos.
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I got some new pajamas with pockets in 'em. Which is great, because before that, I used to have to hold stuff when I slept. But now I'm like, 'Where's my planner? There it is. Keep sleeping. All right, perfect.'
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One time I saw an old man in a hurry and I thought, 'That makes sense.'
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