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The sofa is the enemy of productivity.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Enemy
Sofa
Sofas
Productivity
More quotes by Demetri Martin
I didn't do improv in college, I never performed, I didn't do theater either. I was in student government, I was a history major.
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I saw a transvestite wearing a T-shirt that said 'Guess'.
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Now I got a time machine at home. It only goes foreword at regular speed. It's essentially a cardboard box and on the outside I wrote time machine in sharpie.
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A cool tattoo design is any drawing that would also look good saggy.
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It's very easy to turn a toy into an adult toy: Location, location, location.
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One thing you never hear is Man that guy is good at badminton.
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Don't talk to strangers. Sure, unless you want to meet anyone ever.
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It's always helpful to remember that in the grand scheme of things you are much more important than... um, wait, than... something, maybe.
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I want to launch a globe into space just to mess with the astronauts.
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I can tell how lonely I am by how easily I'm fooled by a mannequin in a store.
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I believe in empathy. When religion provides that for people, it's the best thing in the world.
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When I was a kid, I always wanted to live in California because I liked skateboarding.
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Leave no stone unturned in your quest to disrupt a rock garden.
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I got into stand up just to do stand up because I love stand up.
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A jerk on a motorcycle is equal to a leaf, because I find it beautiful when these things fall.
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99.99% of all castles in America are located in fish tanks.
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My mind says one thing, but my body says another. Thanks a lot, Indian food and beer.
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Usually, I walk around and think about things. When I come across a thought that makes me laugh, I write it down.
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I like digital cameras, because they enable you to reminisce immediately.
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You never forget your first kiss. And that's what makes it so hard to forgive my uncle.
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