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I just found out that I have more allies than America!

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Allies
Found
America

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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A jerk on a motorcycle is equal to a leaf, because I find it beautiful when these things fall.
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I think there's a difference between making comedy and reporting comedy. When you're a joke teller you can easily fall into the second, you can show up and just say the jokes.
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A refrigerator is the opposite of a drug addict, because a refrigerator starts in a box and then moves to a house.
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If you remove a treehouse from a tree, than it's just a shitty house. Sometimes when i'm in a shitty house, I like to imagine that it's in a tree, than it's like Woah, this house is amazing.
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Planning trip around the globe, that is in my room.
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It's very easy to turn a toy into an adult toy: Location, location, location.
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You can say 'Thanks,' and you can say 'Thanks a Million' - but any number in between?
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The bird, the bee, the running child are all the same to the sliding glass door.
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When I am at rodeo I find it difficult not to root for the animals.
Demetri Martin
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It seems that man's greatest natural enemy is the target.
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Coffee is like a bra. 3 cups is one too many.
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One of my favorite clothing patterns is camouflage. Because when you're in the woods it makes you blend in. But when you're not it does just the opposite. It's like, 'Hey, there's an asshole.'
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I think if I pick the right thing to spend my time doing, then time moves differently, because I really can get fully immersed in things and feel very alive and challenged, but in a good way. I feel a sense of progress.
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My friend says touche way too much. He's a touche bag.
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Rock is fine. No structural damage to rock. Rock can break through paper at any point. Just say the word. Paper sucks.
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I have fun acting, and I want to do more of it, and I want to direct my own movie.
Demetri Martin
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The sofa is the enemy of productivity.
Demetri Martin
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Sometimes I use my jokes as building blocks for larger bits. I like to draw and play music, so sometimes I do those things along with the jokes.
Demetri Martin
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Turtles are greater than baby nephews, because it's ok to drop a turtle.
Demetri Martin
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I ordered a wake-up call the other day. The phone rang and a woman's voice said, 'What the hell are you doing with your life?'
Demetri Martin