Quote

Right now someone out there is struggling and starting to panic because they can't get out of a tempurpedic bed.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Struggle
Someone
Right
Struggling
Panic
Bed
Starting

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It's very easy to turn a toy into an adult toy: Location, location, location.
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Halloween: the day each year when strangers give you even more specific reasons to dislike them based on what they are wearing.
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You are ten times more likely to get hit by a car when the driver is aiming for you.
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Sometimes it looks like I'm dancing, but it's just that I walked into a spider web.
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I'm very hip-oriented. I focus on hips in my comedy - probably more than any other hipster comic who is out there hipping today. My hips, other hips. I work with my hips a great deal. That is what I do. But not in a gay way.
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I think it would be worse to get mauled by a dancing bear than just a regular bear because you can't totally blame the dancing bear.
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Once I started to look i finally began to see.
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Swimming is a confusing sport, because sometimes you do it for fun, and other times you do it to not die. And when I'm swimming, sometimes I'm not sure which one it is.
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I am a comedian but it's usually not a compliment to be called a prop comedian but I guess I sometimes use props. And I always confuse humorist with comedian. That's strange.
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The chances of someone who looks like Jesus having pot raises steadily, to a point. If the guy is on a cross you may have the wrong guy.
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I think since I was kid people told me that they thought I was funny.
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I can move objects with my mind, if I use my hands.
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I care about politics, but I have a tough time making comedy out of it. I was so happy to have a chance to be on The Daily Show, and I think Jon Stewart's so funny... but mostly in my own comedy, I care about less relevant things.
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If someone throws a pie at your face, just open your mouth really wide and say, 'Thanks for feeding me, a**hole.'
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Checkers taught me that a King is a man with another man on top of him. But life taught me that that's actually called a Queen.
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Halloween's my favorite holiday because you don't have to spend it with your family.
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I love motor learning because it's very basic and primal. A lot of what I like to learn correlates with the opposite of what gets you laid. I can ride a unicycle and I can juggle. These are unimpressive things to know.
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The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
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A cool tattoo design is any drawing that would also look good saggy.
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I am a man of my word… and that word is “unreliable.
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