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I wonder if, as a society, we will ever be able to call someone a jive tofurkey.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Able
Ever
Jive
Wonder
Call
Society
Someone

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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It's Thursday and it really feels like a Thursday. Sometimes things just work out.
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I wanna design a video game where you'd have to take care of all the people shot in all the other video games.
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I ordered a wake-up call the other day. The phone rang and a woman's voice said, 'What the hell are you doing with your life?'
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It's interesting to be an adult and to have that level of ignorance about something, because the nice part about is you get that discovery. The learning curve is so rich and steep.
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My policy is 'No stone throwing regardless of housing situation.'
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I can tell how lonely I am by how easily I'm fooled by a mannequin in a store.
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But I found that disappointing people is a good thing, because disapproval is freedom.
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Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.
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Vampire fad just won't die. Makes sense, I guess.
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I've never read an article of clothing.
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This is a pie chart about procrastination.
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Usually, I walk around and think about things. When I come across a thought that makes me laugh, I write it down.
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It's always helpful to remember that in the grand scheme of things you are much more important than... um, wait, than... something, maybe.
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I saw a sign that said, 'Watch for children.' I was like, 'That sounds like a fair trade - especially if they're crappy kids.'
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I can always tell how stupid someone is by how certain they are about what they're saying.
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I like video games, but they are very violent. I want to create a video game in which you have to help all the characters who have died in the other games. 'Hey, man, what are you playing?' 'Super Busy Hospital. Could you leave me alone? I'm performing surgery! This guy got shot in the head, like, 27 times!'
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I like stand-up. But I'd also like a family and house and a yard. I want to work with a lot of people, have colleagues and on good film sets, there's people there that work with the same people for years and years. I love that collaborative spirit in that medium. Comedy is a lot more solitary.
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If you remove a treehouse from a tree, than it's just a shitty house. Sometimes when i'm in a shitty house, I like to imagine that it's in a tree, than it's like Woah, this house is amazing.
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I wonder if there were any goths in gothic times. They're like: You look completely appropriate. You don't look stupid or lonely at all.
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A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.
Demetri Martin