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I wonder if, as a society, we will ever be able to call someone a jive tofurkey.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Ever
Jive
Wonder
Call
Society
Someone
Able

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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It is interesting that the black BMW is the preferred car of so many assholes.
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Coffee is like a bra. 3 cups is one too many.
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My mind says one thing, but my body says another. Thanks a lot, Indian food and beer.
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Sometimes it looks like I'm dancing, but it's just that I walked into a spider web.
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Futon World - a wonderful place that becomes slowly less comfortable over time.
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They say that structure is freedom, and in a sense it is. When you're dealing with multiple constraints, you have to figure out what you can get out of that.
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I like video games, but they are very violent. I want to create a video game in which you have to help all the characters who have died in the other games. 'Hey, man, what are you playing?' 'Super Busy Hospital. Could you leave me alone? I'm performing surgery! This guy got shot in the head, like, 27 times!'
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I think a lot of stuff I find funny is from day dreaming.
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I'm a producer on my show, which is great, but it's also kind of a mixed blessing because there's so much responsibility. Everything is a decision. You have to worry about the money, you have to worry about daylight, who we're going to cast and if this location doesn't work out, what are we going to do?
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I bought a dictionary. First thing I did was, I looked up the word dictionary, and it said you're an asshole.
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Specifically in stand-up, I love jokes. I love short, structured ideas and a punchline.
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It's interesting to be an adult and to have that level of ignorance about something, because the nice part about is you get that discovery. The learning curve is so rich and steep.
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I was making pancakes the other day and a fly flew into the kitchen. And that's when I realized that a spatula is a lot like a fly-swatter. And a crushed fly is a lot like a blueberry. And a roommate is a lot like a fly eater.
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I like birthdays because we celebrate life with cakes. It's so cool. Sometimes when I see a baby, I'm like that much more cake in the world. But then when someone dies, I'm like the cake streak is over.
Demetri Martin
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They say it's lonely at the top. It must be even lonelier at the tippy top.
Demetri Martin
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I love motor learning because it's very basic and primal. A lot of what I like to learn correlates with the opposite of what gets you laid. I can ride a unicycle and I can juggle. These are unimpressive things to know.
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Statistics indicate that the average American is a guy named Brian who lives in Ohio.
Demetri Martin
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My friend says touche way too much. He's a touche bag.
Demetri Martin
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I have fun acting, and I want to do more of it, and I want to direct my own movie.
Demetri Martin
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Usually, I walk around and think about things. When I come across a thought that makes me laugh, I write it down.
Demetri Martin