Quote

I wonder if, as a society, we will ever be able to call someone a jive tofurkey.

Demetri Martin

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Someone
Able
Ever
Jive
Wonder
Call
Society

More quotes by Demetri Martin

Image
Overheard today in restaurant: Can you stop listening to our conversation?
Demetri Martin
Image
I never went bungee jumping. The closest I did was I was born.
Demetri Martin
Image
I can always tell how stupid someone is by how certain they are about what they're saying.
Demetri Martin
Image
I wanna buy a bunch of hermit crabs and make them live together.
Demetri Martin
Image
I think a lot of stuff I find funny is from day dreaming.
Demetri Martin
Image
I was walking in the park and this guy waved at me. Then he said, 'I'm sorry, I thought you were someone else.' I said, 'I am.'
Demetri Martin
Image
If you remove a treehouse from a tree, than it's just a shitty house. Sometimes when i'm in a shitty house, I like to imagine that it's in a tree, than it's like Woah, this house is amazing.
Demetri Martin
Image
When someone shows you a picture of their kids what they don't want to hear is Oh, yeah, I got pictures of your kid too.
Demetri Martin
Image
A couple weeks ago I was on the street and I saw an ugly pregnant lady, and I just thought, 'Good for you.'
Demetri Martin
Image
Socrates became a trendsetter. Other philosophers, including Plato and Aristotle and Gus, quickly followed suit, dropping their last names too. And, for centuries after that there would be countless imitators including oltaire, Michelangelo, and, much later, Cher.
Demetri Martin
Image
I like video games, but they are very violent. I want to create a video game in which you have to help all the characters who have died in the other games. 'Hey, man, what are you playing?' 'Super Busy Hospital. Could you leave me alone? I'm performing surgery! This guy got shot in the head, like, 27 times!'
Demetri Martin
Image
If only loud people were even half as interesting as they think they are.
Demetri Martin
Image
I bought a new pair of pajamas with pockets, which is great, cause now i don't have to hold things when I sleep.
Demetri Martin
Image
Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies.
Demetri Martin
Image
Count your blessings, but not out-loud, at the top of your lungs.
Demetri Martin
Image
A dreamcatcher works, if your dream is to be gay.
Demetri Martin
Image
Dogs seem more photogenic than cats. In photos most cats look like sociopaths.
Demetri Martin
Image
One time I saw an old man in a hurry and I thought, 'That makes sense.'
Demetri Martin
Image
I wish my name started with a comma. That would be so dramatic.
Demetri Martin
Image
When you're wearing an animal costume and something bad happens, your facial expression doesn't change. The animal is deadpan the whole time. If you're skiing in a gorilla suit and you fall, you just see a gorilla who has no emotion. It's just a stoic gorilla, wildly falling down a hill, out of control.
Demetri Martin