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A good name for a gang would be The Uneducated Idiot Tough Guys.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Guy
Good
Uneducated
Would
Gang
Idiot
Guys
Tough
Name
Names

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If you want to dry hump someone you don't know, just act like they were choking.
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When a Dalmatian sees a cow he must be like, 'What the hell happened to him? I am high right now. That dalmatian is fat and smeary.' When the cow sees the Dalmatian he must be like, 'He looks amazing. I am so out of shape, this is ridiculous. My tits are on the ground here.
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When someone shows you a picture of their kids what they don't want to hear is Oh, yeah, I got pictures of your kid too.
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Usually, I walk around and think about things. When I come across a thought that makes me laugh, I write it down.
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You get really disillusioned, because you thought you were in love. But you realize that you're just alone.
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Easy way to make someone sound less powerful, just put DJ in front of their name... ..DJ Abraham Lincoln
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I was stuck in traffic and I looked in the mirror and in the car behind me there was a couple having a horrible argument and right below their image it said Objects In Mirror Are Closer Than They Appear. I just thought, man I hope so because she was pretty mad.
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I think, at first blush, the '60s always enticed me. There's something about the '60s, it's not hard to like it.
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To me, comedy is a game.
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The shortest feedback loop I can think of is doing improvisation in front of an audience.
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I am a comedian but it's usually not a compliment to be called a prop comedian but I guess I sometimes use props. And I always confuse humorist with comedian. That's strange.
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Sometimes if I really want to get someone's attention, I'll start a sentence with something like, I'm not racist, but... I say, I'm not racist, but you look great today. They say, That wasn't racist at all. I said, I know. I said I'm not racist. You never listen. Typical Mexican.
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Halloween's my favorite holiday because you don't have to spend it with your family.
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If you stretched the average person's intestines out from end to end, it would make them scream a lot.
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A Wednesday with no rain is a dry hump day.
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I ordered a wake-up call the other day. The phone rang and a woman's voice said, 'What the hell are you doing with your life?'
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How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.
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I need to develop some patience - immediately.
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The lord works in mysterious ways. Indeed. And a shorter way to say that is: God is a sneak.
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There's a very fine line between giving someone the Heimlich maneuver and dry-humping a stranger.
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