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It seems that man's greatest natural enemy is the target.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Enemy
Natural
Seems
Men
Target
Greatest

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It's Thursday and it really feels like a Thursday. Sometimes things just work out.
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To some I am known as Chief. And these are usually people who work in Radio Shack or try to sell me shoes. To others I am known as Buddy. These are people who dwell in bars and wonder if I’ve got a problem or what it is that I am “looking at.” And to still others, who are in that same bar, standing just off to the side, I am “Get Him!
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I can tell how lonely I am by how easily I'm fooled by a mannequin in a store.
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It's very easy to turn a toy into an adult toy: Location, location, location.
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Statistics indicate that the average American is a guy named Brian who lives in Ohio.
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I am everything and I am nothing. I am just kidding I am not everything and nothing. That would be ridiculous. I am just everything.
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People only mention it's a free country if they're doing something shitty.
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To look like you are a real sports fan, when there is a game on TV just yell, Oh, come on! every now and then at the TV.
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Last week I lost my temper in my karate class. Man, I'm not doing that again until I'm a black belt. Because I can tell you there's a difference between taking karate and receiving karate.
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When I was a kid, I always wanted to live in California because I liked skateboarding.
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I think a lot of people who watch TV don't realize when they're watch TV shows and it says 'produced by' and producer, producer... there are all these producers. What the hell does a producer do? It's funny how much you have to worry about as a producer.
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I've never read an article of clothing.
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I learned this summer that peeing in the pool and peeing INTO the pool are very different things. Location, Location, Location.
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If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I'd probably just start calling out letters.
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I think, at first blush, the '60s always enticed me. There's something about the '60s, it's not hard to like it.
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Popcorn is one of the only situations in which you eat the result of an explosion.
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A sports bar is a way to take a bar and fill it with even more annoying people than usual.
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I wanna design a video game where you'd have to take care of all the people shot in all the other video games.
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I care about politics, but I have a tough time making comedy out of it. I was so happy to have a chance to be on The Daily Show, and I think Jon Stewart's so funny... but mostly in my own comedy, I care about less relevant things.
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I was walking in the park and this guy waved at me. Then he said, 'I'm sorry, I thought you were someone else.' I said, 'I am.'
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