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Planning trip around the globe, that is in my room.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Globes
Trip
Planning
Room
Rooms
Around
Globe
More quotes by Demetri Martin
My policy is 'No stone throwing regardless of housing situation.'
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A Wednesday with no rain is a dry hump day.
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I wish my name started with a comma. That would be so dramatic.
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I love motor learning because it's very basic and primal. A lot of what I like to learn correlates with the opposite of what gets you laid. I can ride a unicycle and I can juggle. These are unimpressive things to know.
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And as far as actors go, Peter Sellers is my all-time favorite.
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I believe in empathy. When religion provides that for people, it's the best thing in the world.
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If you drink enough beer, everything turns in to a bed.
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I like when people wear a WWJD bracelet, because it's like an example of the first thing Jesus wouldn't do, probably.
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I just found out that I have more allies than America!
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For me and most of my friends who are comedians, if you've been doing comedy for a while, your tolerance for things actually moves. I find it very hard to be shocked, and when other people aggressively take offense to something, I'm sometimes confused.
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As a comic, I think I'm very verbally oriented about a lot of the stuff that I've written or thought up and how I say it.
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People and squirrels are very different. Most people will not argue that. But I find that there is one situation in which they're very similar. And that is: when I am driving towards them in my car. Then they're kind of hard to tell apart - especially if the human is kind of hairy.
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The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
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I'm not a lawmaker, but I was thinking that if you have a really loud ring tone, maybe you should be stabbed in the ear?
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Swimming is a confusing sport, because sometimes you do it for fun, and other times you do it to not die. And when I'm swimming, sometimes I'm not sure which one it is.
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I got myself a really nice nib pen, with like 15 kinds of India Ink, and tons of different nibs I think I was just procrastinating, like, once I have the right nib, the book is just going to jump right out of my fingertips... but then it just ended up looking like the shitty drawings that I usually do.
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The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you're signing somebody's cast.
Demetri Martin
You are ten times more likely to get hit by a car when the driver is aiming for you.
Demetri Martin
At any minute, I am four minutes from a poncho.
Demetri Martin
I never set out to do a sketch show.
Demetri Martin