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Planning trip around the globe, that is in my room.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Globes
Trip
Planning
Room
Rooms
Around
Globe
More quotes by Demetri Martin
I got into stand up just to do stand up because I love stand up.
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If I could control the behavior of fat guys I would make them ride mopeds more often.
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At any minute, I am four minutes from a poncho.
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I think it's cool when an ex-girlfriend becomes an XL girlfriend.
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The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
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When telling a story about how wasted you were last night, stop.
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The key to life is balance, especially if you are on a ledge.
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A couple weeks ago I was on the street and I saw an ugly pregnant lady, and I just thought, 'Good for you.'
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I am everything and I am nothing. I am just kidding I am not everything and nothing. That would be ridiculous. I am just everything.
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I care about politics, but I have a tough time making comedy out of it. I was so happy to have a chance to be on The Daily Show, and I think Jon Stewart's so funny... but mostly in my own comedy, I care about less relevant things.
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I can always tell how stupid someone is by how certain they are about what they're saying.
Demetri Martin
I saw a transvestite wearing a T-shirt that said 'Guess'.
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It's not enough to say I'm sorry. You have to also mean it. It's the same with saying I'm single.
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The difference between a child's toy and an adult toy is: location, location, location.
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My mind says one thing, but my body says another. Thanks a lot, Indian food and beer.
Demetri Martin
Dogs seem more photogenic than cats. In photos most cats look like sociopaths.
Demetri Martin
You mock those who blindly follow the majority...turn your attention now to those who are so dedicated to deviating from the norm that they would gladly cease breathing if it were suggested to them that inhalation was a form of conformity for they deserve just as much scrutiny and ridicule.
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I like to stand near ATM machines, and when somebody types in their pin number, I go, 'Got it!' And then I run away.
Demetri Martin
There are very few songs about just liking someone as a friend.
Demetri Martin
Whenever I see an autobiography for sale in the book store i just flip to the about the author section. I'm like, Done, next!
Demetri Martin
