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Planning trip around the globe, that is in my room.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Globe
Globes
Trip
Planning
Room
Rooms
Around
More quotes by Demetri Martin
I just found out that I have more allies than America!
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How to be a bouncer: be an asshole stand near a door.
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A human head looks the least scary when it is attached.
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It seems that man's greatest natural enemy is the target.
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Brought to you by raising your voice. The next best thing to being right.
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Usually, I walk around and think about things. When I come across a thought that makes me laugh, I write it down.
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People only mention it's a free country if they're doing something shitty.
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The earth without art is just eh.
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The sofa is the enemy of productivity.
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If I make my window ten days for stand-up, the conclusion is that I failed and that I'm not good at stand-up. If I make it ten years - if I just wait - the conclusion might be something totally different. I think it's so cool to do things in which you discover the malleability of your own mind.
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I just listen to so much music that I like the role music can play in scoring something. I'm not doing song parodies or funny songs, I'm just adding some music to my words. So it's limited and specific, but as a performer I find it pretty enjoyable.
Demetri Martin
I wonder what the most intelligent thing ever said was that started with the word 'dude.' 'Dude, these are isotopes.' 'Dude, we removed your kidney. You're gonna be fine.' 'Dude, I am so stoked to win this Nobel Prize. I just wanna thank Kevin, and Turtle, and all my homies.'
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Artistically, I find jokes really satisfying aesthetically, because there's something great about getting an idea down to a sentence or two.
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I got some new pajamas with pockets in 'em. Which is great, because before that, I used to have to hold stuff when I slept. But now I'm like, 'Where's my planner? There it is. Keep sleeping. All right, perfect.'
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I can tell how lonely I am by how easily I'm fooled by a mannequin in a store.
Demetri Martin
It's hard to know what's gay in life. Boxing. That's two men fighting over a belt.
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My friend says touche way too much. He's a touche bag.
Demetri Martin
The best way to make somebody feel important is to try to assassinate them.
Demetri Martin
I wish my name started with a comma. That would be so dramatic.
Demetri Martin
I think there are so many little hurdles and impediments with stand-up that you'd need to have this insane desire to do it if you didn't have something that clicked right away.
Demetri Martin
