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Planning trip around the globe, that is in my room.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Around
Globe
Globes
Trip
Planning
Room
Rooms
More quotes by Demetri Martin
And as far as actors go, Peter Sellers is my all-time favorite.
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It seems that man's greatest natural enemy is the target.
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I think my favorite sound is the sound of someone not playing the bongos.
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I like digital cameras, because they enable you to reminisce immediately.
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I was stuck in traffic and I looked in the mirror and in the car behind me there was a couple having a horrible argument and right below their image it said Objects In Mirror Are Closer Than They Appear. I just thought, man I hope so because she was pretty mad.
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You are ten times more likely to get hit by a car when the driver is aiming for you.
Demetri Martin
Small businesses are important, but so are tiny businesses.
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My friend says touche way too much. He's a touche bag.
Demetri Martin
Whenever I throw caution to the wind I make sure I'm facing the right way so that it doesn't blow back and hit me in my face.
Demetri Martin
Cotton candy is the perfect snack for when I'm in the mood to eat dry, scratchy fabric.
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When watering your plants, try to talk to them - say something like, Hold it right there and then shoot them with water gun.
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Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea, then I can just go and tell some people and if they laugh, they laugh right away.
Demetri Martin
I wanna design a video game where you'd have to take care of all the people shot in all the other video games.
Demetri Martin
I think it would be cool if you were writing a ransom note on your computer, if the paper clip popped up and said, 'Looks like you're writing a ransom note. Need help? You should use more forceful language, you'll get more money.'
Demetri Martin
It's Thursday and it really feels like a Thursday. Sometimes things just work out.
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A Wednesday with no rain is a dry hump day.
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If you happen to catch on fire during the show, do not panic or wave your arms around or scream or we wil give something to panic and wave you arms around and scream about.
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If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I'd probably just start calling out letters.
Demetri Martin
One of my favorite clothing patterns is camouflage. Because when you're in the woods it makes you blend in. But when you're not it does just the opposite. It's like, 'Hey, there's an asshole.'
Demetri Martin
Having a beard is a good way to make your face more susceptible to velcro.
Demetri Martin
