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My mind says one thing, but my body says another. Thanks a lot, Indian food and beer.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Another
Body
Thing
Mind
Beer
Indian
Thanks
Says
Food
More quotes by Demetri Martin
I like playing frisbee. It is the only sport where you can throw something at a person and it's okay.
Demetri Martin
I can move objects with my mind, if I use my hands.
Demetri Martin
I go the gym and I try to run on the treadmill and I listen to music but it doesn't motivate me enough. So I'm going to get a recording of a pack of wolves gaining on me. People would be like, 'Why is that guy crying on that treadmill over there?' 'I don't know, but he's been yelling, 'help' for like 20 minutes. He's getting a good workout.
Demetri Martin
I like video games, but they are very violent. I want to create a video game in which you have to help all the characters who have died in the other games. 'Hey, man, what are you playing?' 'Super Busy Hospital. Could you leave me alone? I'm performing surgery! This guy got shot in the head, like, 27 times!'
Demetri Martin
I've often liked a girl, made her laugh, and thought she liked me, and then found out that she didn't like me that way. I've definitely done time in the friend zone.
Demetri Martin
I never went bungee jumping. The closest I did was I was born.
Demetri Martin
If I make my window ten days for stand-up, the conclusion is that I failed and that I'm not good at stand-up. If I make it ten years - if I just wait - the conclusion might be something totally different. I think it's so cool to do things in which you discover the malleability of your own mind.
Demetri Martin
It's always helpful to remember that in the grand scheme of things you are much more important than... um, wait, than... something, maybe.
Demetri Martin
I'm a body builder, but I don't use weights. I use snacks. It's kind of a different building process.
Demetri Martin
It is interesting that the black BMW is the preferred car of so many assholes.
Demetri Martin
Usually, I walk around and think about things. When I come across a thought that makes me laugh, I write it down.
Demetri Martin
The sofa is the enemy of productivity.
Demetri Martin
Cotton candy is the perfect snack for when I'm in the mood to eat dry, scratchy fabric.
Demetri Martin
Separate but equal is terrible for education but it's perfect for eyebrows.
Demetri Martin
I used to get bummed out when it rained then I realized that it's God's way of washing off hippies.
Demetri Martin
I wonder what the most intelligent thing ever said was that started with the word 'dude.' 'Dude, these are isotopes.' 'Dude, we removed your kidney. You're gonna be fine.' 'Dude, I am so stoked to win this Nobel Prize. I just wanna thank Kevin, and Turtle, and all my homies.'
Demetri Martin
The chances of someone who looks like Jesus having pot raises steadily, to a point. If the guy is on a cross you may have the wrong guy.
Demetri Martin
One of my favorite clothing patterns is camouflage. Because when you're in the woods it makes you blend in. But when you're not it does just the opposite. It's like, 'Hey, there's an asshole.'
Demetri Martin
Never forget where you came from. That's what I think when I walk into a cave.
Demetri Martin
I think if I pick the right thing to spend my time doing, then time moves differently, because I really can get fully immersed in things and feel very alive and challenged, but in a good way. I feel a sense of progress.
Demetri Martin