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My mind says one thing, but my body says another. Thanks a lot, Indian food and beer.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Another
Body
Thing
Mind
Beer
Indian
Thanks
Says
Food
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I love bowling almost as much as I love not bowling.
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I believe in empathy. When religion provides that for people, it's the best thing in the world.
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A couple weeks ago I was on the street and I saw an ugly pregnant lady, and I just thought, 'Good for you.'
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The boomerang is Australia's chief export (and then import).
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Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies.
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It feels like every day or two, people on Twitter and the Internet are outraged about something.
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If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I'd probably just start calling out letters.
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To me, comedy is a game.
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99.99% of all castles in America are located in fish tanks.
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A lot of things look cooler in slow motion. Eating isn't one of them.
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I don't know what the long form of OK is. I wanna think it's okie dokie. 'I'm okie dokie. I'm a little shaken up, but I'm okie dokie.' 'The good news is, she's okie dokie. The surgery went fine.'
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The earth without art is just eh.
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The shortest distance between two idiots is a conga line.
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Socrates became a trendsetter. Other philosophers, including Plato and Aristotle and Gus, quickly followed suit, dropping their last names too. And, for centuries after that there would be countless imitators including oltaire, Michelangelo, and, much later, Cher.
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Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea, then I can just go and tell some people and if they laugh, they laugh right away.
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Fire truck with back end on fire drives really fast in circles.
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Timing is everything. That's a cliche. Now. If I'd said that a long time ago, I'd have been original.
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Swimming is a confusing sport, because sometimes you do it for fun, and other times you do it to not die. And when I'm swimming, sometimes I'm not sure which one it is.
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One of my favorite clothing patterns is camouflage. Because when you're in the woods it makes you blend in. But when you're not it does just the opposite. It's like, 'Hey, there's an asshole.'
Demetri Martin
I was stuck in traffic and I looked in the mirror and in the car behind me there was a couple having a horrible argument and right below their image it said Objects In Mirror Are Closer Than They Appear. I just thought, man I hope so because she was pretty mad.
Demetri Martin
