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To look like you are a real sports fan, when there is a game on TV just yell, Oh, come on! every now and then at the TV.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Games
Look
Come
Looks
Real
Yell
Every
Fans
Like
Game
Sports

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If I were blind, I'd wear a blindfold all the time.
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My mind says one thing, but my body says another. Thanks a lot, Indian food and beer.
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I still like paper books. Like, book is a flammable object. After you read it, you could use it to get warm. Or it could become a pile of napkins.
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I've learned something on the road, traveling around: state shapes. The easier it is to draw the shape of the state, the harder it is to live in that state. So, if you live in a regular polygon, get the hell outta there. You gotta move to a squiggly area. Culture's attracted to squiggles.
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I think a lot of people who watch TV don't realize when they're watch TV shows and it says 'produced by' and producer, producer... there are all these producers. What the hell does a producer do? It's funny how much you have to worry about as a producer.
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A know-it-all is a person who knows everything except for how annoying he is.
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It's funny: when people always talk about the importance of role models, I used to think that was so exaggerated, but as I get older, I start to realize I don't feel that way so much anymore. If you see somebody like you who's doing something, an older version of what you are, it does make you feel like it's more possible.
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A couple weeks ago I was on the street and I saw an ugly pregnant lady, and I just thought, 'Good for you.'
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When I first heard the term 'training bra,' I was freaked out. I was pretty young and I said, 'Did you just say training bra? They're training their chests? I had no idea.' See some lady, her boobs are everywhere. 'What's her deal?' Those are untrained titties.
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Easy way to make someone sound less powerful, just put DJ in front of their name... ..DJ Abraham Lincoln
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It's always helpful to remember that in the grand scheme of things you are much more important than... um, wait, than... something, maybe.
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When I am at rodeo I find it difficult not to root for the animals.
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Whenever I throw caution to the wind I make sure I'm facing the right way so that it doesn't blow back and hit me in my face.
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I'm always excited to try something I haven't done.
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How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.
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The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.
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I wonder if, as a society, we will ever be able to call someone a jive tofurkey.
Demetri Martin
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When someone describes themself as a taxpayer, they're about to be an asshole.
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I think my favorite sound is the sound of someone not playing the bongos.
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The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
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