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To look like you are a real sports fan, when there is a game on TV just yell, Oh, come on! every now and then at the TV.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Come
Looks
Real
Yell
Every
Fans
Like
Game
Sports
Games
Look

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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My plumbing is all screwed up. Because it turns out, I do not own a garbage disposal.
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Overheard today in restaurant: Can you stop listening to our conversation?
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The key to life is balance, especially if you are on a ledge.
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Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea, then I can just go and tell some people and if they laugh, they laugh right away.
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A couple weeks ago I was on the street and I saw an ugly pregnant lady, and I just thought, 'Good for you.'
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It's not enough to say I'm sorry. You have to also mean it. It's the same with saying I'm single.
Demetri Martin
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Stand-up is like a row boat: it's fun and romantic when you're choosing to do it. But if you have no other choice than to be in a row boat it's not as enjoyable that's survival.
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I want to get the joke to work without having to put any words or to say anything. I just want the person to look at it, and quietly in their brain, they can just put it together and say, Cool, that one works.
Demetri Martin
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If you want to dry hump someone you don't know, just act like they were choking.
Demetri Martin
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My policy is 'No stone throwing regardless of housing situation.'
Demetri Martin
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If you drink enough beer, everything turns in to a bed.
Demetri Martin
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A jerk on a motorcycle is equal to a leaf, because I find it beautiful when these things fall.
Demetri Martin
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I care about politics, but I have a tough time making comedy out of it. I was so happy to have a chance to be on The Daily Show, and I think Jon Stewart's so funny... but mostly in my own comedy, I care about less relevant things.
Demetri Martin
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I live in New York and there are a lot of famous... pizzerias in my neighborhood, it's really hard to find one that isn't famous. Which sucks sometimes, you know what I mean, sometimes I don't want all that glitz and glamour, I just want something delicious, you know? I don't need a celebrity in my mouth, Ray's Up And Coming Pizza would be fine.
Demetri Martin
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I like playing frisbee. It is the only sport where you can throw something at a person and it's okay.
Demetri Martin
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I think it would be frustrating to be a match maker. What do you do? I'm a match maker Aw, that's really romantic No, umm... I actually... never mind
Demetri Martin
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People and squirrels are very different. Most people will not argue that. But I find that there is one situation in which they're very similar. And that is: when I am driving towards them in my car. Then they're kind of hard to tell apart - especially if the human is kind of hairy.
Demetri Martin
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The problem with my balloon collection is that people always think there's a party. Settle down. It's not a party. It's just balloons.
Demetri Martin
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In retrospect, everything is finite, but prospectively, there are infinite possibilities. I guess that's what makes life hopeful.
Demetri Martin
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A lot of things look cooler in slow motion. Eating isn't one of them.
Demetri Martin