Quote

To look like you are a real sports fan, when there is a game on TV just yell, Oh, come on! every now and then at the TV.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Every
Fans
Like
Game
Sports
Games
Look
Come
Looks
Real
Yell

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Rock is fine. No structural damage to rock. Rock can break through paper at any point. Just say the word. Paper sucks.
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I've often liked a girl, made her laugh, and thought she liked me, and then found out that she didn't like me that way. I've definitely done time in the friend zone.
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I've heard of many chocoholics, but I ain't never seen no chocohol. We got an epidemic, people: people who like chocolate but don't understand word endings. They're probably over-workaholled.
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Coffee is like a bra. 3 cups is one too many.
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I love motor learning because it's very basic and primal. A lot of what I like to learn correlates with the opposite of what gets you laid. I can ride a unicycle and I can juggle. These are unimpressive things to know.
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What's this about rice milk? I didn't even know rice had nipples!
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You never forget your first kiss. And that's what makes it so hard to forgive my uncle.
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I bought a new pair of pajamas with pockets, which is great, cause now i don't have to hold things when I sleep.
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My plumbing is all screwed up. Because it turns out, I do not own a garbage disposal.
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If I could control the behavior of fat guys I would make them ride mopeds more often.
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A cool tattoo design is any drawing that would also look good saggy.
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The chances of someone who looks like Jesus having pot raises steadily, to a point. If the guy is on a cross you may have the wrong guy.
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It's always helpful to remember that in the grand scheme of things you are much more important than... um, wait, than... something, maybe.
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I like to go to concerts because I love to see my favorite band through the phone of the asshole who's standing in front of me.
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I was on the train the other day, and I heard somebody say, I'm really good at checkers. That's the same thing as saying, I'm not good at very many things.
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I learned this summer that peeing in the pool and peeing INTO the pool are very different things. Location, Location, Location.
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Dogs seem more photogenic than cats. In photos most cats look like sociopaths.
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I want to make a revolving door that says 'Pull' on it, just see how obedient people are.
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I didn't do improv in college, I never performed, I didn't do theater either. I was in student government, I was a history major.
Demetri Martin
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I still like paper books. Like, book is a flammable object. After you read it, you could use it to get warm. Or it could become a pile of napkins.
Demetri Martin