Quote

To remove blood stains from your conscience try frozen margaritas.

Demetri Martin

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Frozen
Remove
Conscience
Blood
Trying
Margarita
Stains

More quotes by Demetri Martin

Image
It's not enough to say I'm sorry. You have to also mean it. It's the same with saying I'm single.
Demetri Martin
Image
Never forget where you came from. That's what I think when I walk into a cave.
Demetri Martin
Image
Canoe plus waterfall equals I don't go camping anymore.
Demetri Martin
Image
Automatic paper towel dispensers are a solution to something that was never a problem in the first place.
Demetri Martin
Image
One of the most difficult and ironic murder weapons is the life jacket.
Demetri Martin
Image
If someone throws a pie at your face, just open your mouth really wide and say, 'Thanks for feeding me, a**hole.'
Demetri Martin
Image
A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.
Demetri Martin
Image
Brought to you by raising your voice. The next best thing to being right.
Demetri Martin
Image
I live in New York and there are a lot of famous... pizzerias in my neighborhood, it's really hard to find one that isn't famous. Which sucks sometimes, you know what I mean, sometimes I don't want all that glitz and glamour, I just want something delicious, you know? I don't need a celebrity in my mouth, Ray's Up And Coming Pizza would be fine.
Demetri Martin
Image
At any minute, I am four minutes from a poncho.
Demetri Martin
Image
Specifically in stand-up, I love jokes. I love short, structured ideas and a punchline.
Demetri Martin
Image
A sports bar is a way to take a bar and fill it with even more annoying people than usual.
Demetri Martin
Image
I wish my name started with a comma. That would be so dramatic.
Demetri Martin
Image
This is a pie chart about procrastination.
Demetri Martin
Image
I've heard of many chocoholics, but I ain't never seen no chocohol. We got an epidemic, people: people who like chocolate but don't understand word endings. They're probably over-workaholled.
Demetri Martin
Image
When someone describes themself as a taxpayer, they're about to be an asshole.
Demetri Martin
Image
If you remove a treehouse from a tree, than it's just a shitty house. Sometimes when i'm in a shitty house, I like to imagine that it's in a tree, than it's like Woah, this house is amazing.
Demetri Martin
Image
Vampire fad just won't die. Makes sense, I guess.
Demetri Martin
Image
The earth without art is just eh.
Demetri Martin
Image
I wanna see a snake eat spaghetti.
Demetri Martin