Quote

To remove blood stains from your conscience try frozen margaritas.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Frozen
Remove
Conscience
Blood
Trying
Margarita
Stains

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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To some I am known as Chief. And these are usually people who work in Radio Shack or try to sell me shoes. To others I am known as Buddy. These are people who dwell in bars and wonder if I’ve got a problem or what it is that I am “looking at.” And to still others, who are in that same bar, standing just off to the side, I am “Get Him!
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How to be a bouncer: be an asshole stand near a door.
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A know-it-all is a person who knows everything except for how annoying he is.
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I like digital cameras, because they enable you to reminisce immediately.
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Leave no stone unturned in your quest to disrupt a rock garden.
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If you stretched the average person's intestines out from end to end, it would make them scream a lot.
Demetri Martin
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A lot of things look cooler in slow motion. Eating isn't one of them.
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Canoe plus waterfall equals I don't go camping anymore.
Demetri Martin
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There's a store in my neighborhood called Futon World. I like that name, 'Futon World.' Makes me think of a magical place that gets less and less comfortable over time.
Demetri Martin
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I wanna see a snake eat spaghetti.
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I got into stand up just to do stand up because I love stand up.
Demetri Martin
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The boomerang is Australia's chief export (and then import).
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I've heard of many chocoholics, but I ain't never seen no chocohol. We got an epidemic, people: people who like chocolate but don't understand word endings. They're probably over-workaholled.
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Sometimes I feel like I'm being watched, but then I remember that my show was canceled three years ago.
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Halloween: the day each year when strangers give you even more specific reasons to dislike them based on what they are wearing.
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In retrospect, everything is finite, but prospectively, there are infinite possibilities. I guess that's what makes life hopeful.
Demetri Martin
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I ordered a wake-up call the other day. The phone rang and a woman's voice said, 'What the hell are you doing with your life?'
Demetri Martin
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I wasn't even a big comedy nerd. A lot of the comedians I know - a lot of my friends are comedians - they knew a lot about comedy growing up.
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Yes, okay, it's cool to be quirky, maybe, on the side. Do some puzzles, make puzzles, whatever, learn how to ride a unicycle. That's cool when it's on the side and you have a plan. What happens when you remove the plan? What you're left with is a guy who likes to do anagrams. And doesn't have a job... Sweet, that's a catch.
Demetri Martin
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REGARDING THE MARCHING BAND: How much more interesting it would be to see a creeping band.
Demetri Martin