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Americans who do not celebrate Independence Day: pets.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Pets
Pet
Celebrate
Independence
Americans

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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There's an old Russian saying that goes some way or another. I don't know it. I don't speak Russian. But sometimes I think about it and wonder if it's relevant to what I'm going through at the time. Probably not. I mean what do Russian know about hunger, anyway?
Demetri Martin
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I think it would be worse to get mauled by a dancing bear than just a regular bear because you can't totally blame the dancing bear.
Demetri Martin
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But I found that disappointing people is a good thing, because disapproval is freedom.
Demetri Martin
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I love bowling almost as much as I love not bowling.
Demetri Martin
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The sofa is the enemy of productivity.
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I am a man of my word… and that word is “unreliable.
Demetri Martin
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I was seeing this girl and she wanted to get more serious. But I wasn't ready to, I had just gotten out of a difficult relationship before that. So I said to her, 'Listen, you have to understand something. Relationships are like eyebrows. It's better when there's a space between them.' And that's coming from a Greek guy.
Demetri Martin
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Sometimes I use my jokes as building blocks for larger bits. I like to draw and play music, so sometimes I do those things along with the jokes.
Demetri Martin
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I saw a transvestite wearing a T-shirt that said 'Guess'.
Demetri Martin
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I think since I was kid people told me that they thought I was funny.
Demetri Martin
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When I was a kid, I always wanted to live in California because I liked skateboarding.
Demetri Martin
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I never went bungee jumping. The closest I did was I was born.
Demetri Martin
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One time I saw an old man in a hurry and I thought, 'That makes sense.'
Demetri Martin
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I would like to have windshield wipers that do the whole windshield, please.
Demetri Martin
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A cool tattoo design is any drawing that would also look good saggy.
Demetri Martin
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Whenever I see an autobiography for sale in the book store i just flip to the about the author section. I'm like, Done, next!
Demetri Martin
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I equals all of the ifs added up over time. The ifs, those are the possibilities that's infinite for all of us. Every day there are just millions of them. Time, that's finite for each of us there is no question there. Maybe if you divide choices by the amount of time you have, the real I can emerge, depending upon those choices.
Demetri Martin
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My mind says one thing, but my body says another. Thanks a lot, Indian food and beer.
Demetri Martin
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A jerk on a motorcycle is equal to a leaf, because I find it beautiful when these things fall.
Demetri Martin
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Sometimes it looks like I'm dancing, but it's just that I walked into a spider web.
Demetri Martin