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When I am given a multiple choice test I choose not to take it.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Tests
Choice
Choose
Choices
Given
Take
Multiple
Test

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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Surprise parties are strange 'cause people jump up and they yell the word, 'surprise' at the party. I came home and you emerged from my furniture. You don't have to tell me how to feel. I don't need a hint.
Demetri Martin
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I think it's cool when an ex-girlfriend becomes an XL girlfriend.
Demetri Martin
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I learned this summer that peeing in the pool and peeing INTO the pool are very different things. Location, Location, Location.
Demetri Martin
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I am sometimes referred to as Excuse Me in an annoyed tone of voice, because apparently I am in the way. I am so sorry. I am supposed to be some sort of mind reader, I guess. I am moving out of the way now as slowly as I possibly can. I am doing this and there's nothing you can do about it.
Demetri Martin
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I love motor learning because it's very basic and primal. A lot of what I like to learn correlates with the opposite of what gets you laid. I can ride a unicycle and I can juggle. These are unimpressive things to know.
Demetri Martin
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I want to make a revolving door that says 'Pull' on it, just see how obedient people are.
Demetri Martin
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Mosquito bites Jesus, receives communion.
Demetri Martin
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I just started doing this one-man show, and I wanted to be able to score it, so I bought a guitar, and got a keyboard and got a harmonica. I remember when I started that I didn't understand why a harmonica had different letters on them.
Demetri Martin
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Right now someone out there is struggling and starting to panic because they can't get out of a tempurpedic bed.
Demetri Martin
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If you drink enough beer, everything turns in to a bed.
Demetri Martin
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A couple weeks ago I was on the street and I saw an ugly pregnant lady, and I just thought, 'Good for you.'
Demetri Martin
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I like shorter jokes. I like fewer words. I think the more ideas there are the, the fewer words there should be.
Demetri Martin
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When there's someone who's dead and then someone does something that that person would not have liked, they say that that person is spinning in their grave. But I don't understand why they say that. Why is spinning the way that a corpse shows disapproval?
Demetri Martin
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Turtles are greater than baby nephews, because it's ok to drop a turtle.
Demetri Martin
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If I could control the behavior of fat guys I would make them ride mopeds more often.
Demetri Martin
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Stand-up is like a row boat: it's fun and romantic when you're choosing to do it. But if you have no other choice than to be in a row boat it's not as enjoyable that's survival.
Demetri Martin
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Count your blessings, but not out-loud, at the top of your lungs.
Demetri Martin
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We do not allow dwarf tossing. If you toss a dwarf, the dwarf will be tossed right back at you, but faster.
Demetri Martin
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I think a lot of stuff I find funny is from day dreaming.
Demetri Martin
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I'm always excited to try something I haven't done.
Demetri Martin