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It's always helpful to remember that in the grand scheme of things you are much more important than... um, wait, than... something, maybe.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Important
Scheme
Much
Schemes
Something
Grand
Always
Helpful
Things
Wait
Maybe
Waiting
Remember
More quotes by Demetri Martin
I think, at first blush, the '60s always enticed me. There's something about the '60s, it's not hard to like it.
Demetri Martin
Yes, okay, it's cool to be quirky, maybe, on the side. Do some puzzles, make puzzles, whatever, learn how to ride a unicycle. That's cool when it's on the side and you have a plan. What happens when you remove the plan? What you're left with is a guy who likes to do anagrams. And doesn't have a job... Sweet, that's a catch.
Demetri Martin
I like playing frisbee. It is the only sport where you can throw something at a person and it's okay.
Demetri Martin
Timing is everything. That's a cliche. Now. If I'd said that a long time ago, I'd have been original.
Demetri Martin
As soon as I jumped out of the airplane, I realized I had forgotten my parachute. Thank God we were still on the runway.
Demetri Martin
A dreamcatcher works, if your dream is to be gay.
Demetri Martin
I got some new pajamas with pockets in 'em. Which is great, because before that, I used to have to hold stuff when I slept. But now I'm like, 'Where's my planner? There it is. Keep sleeping. All right, perfect.'
Demetri Martin
I think since I was kid people told me that they thought I was funny.
Demetri Martin
The shortest distance between two idiots is a conga line.
Demetri Martin
If you remove a treehouse from a tree, than it's just a shitty house. Sometimes when i'm in a shitty house, I like to imagine that it's in a tree, than it's like Woah, this house is amazing.
Demetri Martin
I was student council president in high school, and even in law school, I was vice-president of the student bar association.
Demetri Martin
If you happen to catch on fire during the show, do not panic or wave your arms around or scream or we wil give something to panic and wave you arms around and scream about.
Demetri Martin
I have fun acting, and I want to do more of it, and I want to direct my own movie.
Demetri Martin
You can say 'Thanks,' and you can say 'Thanks a Million' - but any number in between?
Demetri Martin
In retrospect, everything is finite, but prospectively, there are infinite possibilities. I guess that's what makes life hopeful.
Demetri Martin
Rock is fine. No structural damage to rock. Rock can break through paper at any point. Just say the word. Paper sucks.
Demetri Martin
If I make my window ten days for stand-up, the conclusion is that I failed and that I'm not good at stand-up. If I make it ten years - if I just wait - the conclusion might be something totally different. I think it's so cool to do things in which you discover the malleability of your own mind.
Demetri Martin
I wish I lived next to Carnegie Hall. Then, if someone asked me how to get to my house, I would just say 'Practice, practice, practice, and then take a left.'
Demetri Martin
You never forget your first kiss. And that's what makes it so hard to forgive my uncle.
Demetri Martin
Man is the most powerful creature on the planet. And we're arrogant. I mean, people own birds. It's like, there's a creature with the gift of flight. I want it. I'm going to put it in my kitchen and make it crap on old information.
Demetri Martin