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Having a beard is a good way to make your face more susceptible to velcro.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Good
Velcro
Susceptible
Beard
Face
Faces
Way
Make

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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I'm a body builder, but I don't use weights. I use snacks. It's kind of a different building process.
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The boomerang is Australia's chief export (and then import).
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I was stuck in traffic and I looked in the mirror and in the car behind me there was a couple having a horrible argument and right below their image it said Objects In Mirror Are Closer Than They Appear. I just thought, man I hope so because she was pretty mad.
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It would be interesting if Elvis were reincarnated as an Elvis impersonator.
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It is interesting that the black BMW is the preferred car of so many assholes.
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If only loud people were even half as interesting as they think they are.
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One time I saw an old man in a hurry and I thought, 'That makes sense.'
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One thing you never hear is Man that guy is good at badminton.
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The problem with my balloon collection is that people always think there's a party. Settle down. It's not a party. It's just balloons.
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If you happen to catch on fire during the show, do not panic or wave your arms around or scream or we wil give something to panic and wave you arms around and scream about.
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I wasn't even a big comedy nerd. A lot of the comedians I know - a lot of my friends are comedians - they knew a lot about comedy growing up.
Demetri Martin
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When I look up at the clouds I see so many animals, mostly sheep who have lost their limbs and heads.
Demetri Martin
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I live in New York and there are a lot of famous... pizzerias in my neighborhood, it's really hard to find one that isn't famous. Which sucks sometimes, you know what I mean, sometimes I don't want all that glitz and glamour, I just want something delicious, you know? I don't need a celebrity in my mouth, Ray's Up And Coming Pizza would be fine.
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I was student council president in high school, and even in law school, I was vice-president of the student bar association.
Demetri Martin
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It's hard to know what's gay in life. Boxing. That's two men fighting over a belt.
Demetri Martin
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When a Dalmatian sees a cow he must be like, 'What the hell happened to him? I am high right now. That dalmatian is fat and smeary.' When the cow sees the Dalmatian he must be like, 'He looks amazing. I am so out of shape, this is ridiculous. My tits are on the ground here.
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When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.
Demetri Martin
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Once I started to look i finally began to see.
Demetri Martin
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Canoe plus waterfall equals I don't go camping anymore.
Demetri Martin
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I wish I lived next to Carnegie Hall. Then, if someone asked me how to get to my house, I would just say 'Practice, practice, practice, and then take a left.'
Demetri Martin