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I find that a shirt is most similar to a napkin when I don't have a napkin.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Napkins
Shirt
Shirts
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Napkin

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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I still like paper books. Like, book is a flammable object. After you read it, you could use it to get warm. Or it could become a pile of napkins.
Demetri Martin
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I think, at first blush, the '60s always enticed me. There's something about the '60s, it's not hard to like it.
Demetri Martin
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Usually, I walk around and think about things. When I come across a thought that makes me laugh, I write it down.
Demetri Martin
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When I am given a multiple choice test I choose not to take it.
Demetri Martin
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I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything.
Demetri Martin
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If I were blind, I'd wear a blindfold all the time.
Demetri Martin
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It's funny: when people always talk about the importance of role models, I used to think that was so exaggerated, but as I get older, I start to realize I don't feel that way so much anymore. If you see somebody like you who's doing something, an older version of what you are, it does make you feel like it's more possible.
Demetri Martin
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My mind says one thing, but my body says another. Thanks a lot, Indian food and beer.
Demetri Martin
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Statistics indicate that the average American is a guy named Brian who lives in Ohio.
Demetri Martin
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Everybody knew that you should never provoke a rattlesnake, much less tie it into a bow. But that didn't stop Judd. What did stop him was the rattlesnake.
Demetri Martin
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To me, comedy is a game.
Demetri Martin
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A good name for a gang would be The Uneducated Idiot Tough Guys.
Demetri Martin
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A couple weeks ago I was on the street and I saw an ugly pregnant lady, and I just thought, 'Good for you.'
Demetri Martin
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When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.
Demetri Martin
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If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I'd probably just start calling out letters.
Demetri Martin
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Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.
Demetri Martin
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I was a good student when I was a kid, and I did everything I was supposed to do, and I got A's.
Demetri Martin
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I like stand-up. But I'd also like a family and house and a yard. I want to work with a lot of people, have colleagues and on good film sets, there's people there that work with the same people for years and years. I love that collaborative spirit in that medium. Comedy is a lot more solitary.
Demetri Martin
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I ordered a wake-up call the other day. The phone rang and a woman's voice said, 'What the hell are you doing with your life?'
Demetri Martin
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I want to launch a globe into space just to mess with the astronauts.
Demetri Martin