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When I am holding a water balloon, so many things look so unnecessarily dry.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Look
Looks
Many
Unnecessarily
Balloon
Things
Balloons
Dry
Holding
Water
More quotes by Demetri Martin
A cool tattoo design is any drawing that would also look good saggy.
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For me and most of my friends who are comedians, if you've been doing comedy for a while, your tolerance for things actually moves. I find it very hard to be shocked, and when other people aggressively take offense to something, I'm sometimes confused.
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It is interesting that the black BMW is the preferred car of so many assholes.
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Separate but equal is terrible for education but it's perfect for eyebrows.
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I thought I would, you know, go to college, get to law school, finish, and then get a job and work as a lawyer, but that proved to be not a good fit for me.
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I'm so secretive that when someone asks me, Hey, can you keep a secret? I say That's none of your business.
Demetri Martin
I've never read an article of clothing.
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I believe in empathy. When religion provides that for people, it's the best thing in the world.
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Your mind is like a sponge, in the sense that it would come in handy when cleaning off a countertop or something like that.
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Dogs seem more photogenic than cats. In photos most cats look like sociopaths.
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I got into stand up just to do stand up because I love stand up.
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There's a very fine line between giving someone the Heimlich maneuver and dry-humping a stranger.
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There's an old Russian saying that goes some way or another. I don't know it. I don't speak Russian. But sometimes I think about it and wonder if it's relevant to what I'm going through at the time. Probably not. I mean what do Russian know about hunger, anyway?
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I ordered a wake-up call the other day. The phone rang and a woman's voice said, 'What the hell are you doing with your life?'
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My mind says one thing, but my body says another. Thanks a lot, Indian food and beer.
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Sometimes I feel like I'm being watched, but then I remember that my show was canceled three years ago.
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The boomerang is Australia's chief export (and then import).
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Never be less interesting than your refrigerator magnets.
Demetri Martin
I like playing frisbee. It is the only sport where you can throw something at a person and it's okay.
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I was eating some candy and looked on the wrapper, and it said made from natural and artificial flavors. You could just say flavors.
Demetri Martin
