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When I look up at the clouds I see so many animals, mostly sheep who have lost their limbs and heads.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Mostly
Clouds
Animals
Animal
Lost
Look
Limbs
Looks
Sheep
Many
Heads

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The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you're signing somebody's cast.
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It's interesting to be an adult and to have that level of ignorance about something, because the nice part about is you get that discovery. The learning curve is so rich and steep.
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I am a man of my word… and that word is “unreliable.
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This is a pie chart about procrastination.
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It feels like every day or two, people on Twitter and the Internet are outraged about something.
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At any minute, I am four minutes from a poncho.
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Americans who do not celebrate Independence Day: pets.
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A lot of things look cooler in slow motion. Eating isn't one of them.
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I like digital cameras, because they enable you to reminisce immediately.
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I wasn't even a big comedy nerd. A lot of the comedians I know - a lot of my friends are comedians - they knew a lot about comedy growing up.
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I just started doing this one-man show, and I wanted to be able to score it, so I bought a guitar, and got a keyboard and got a harmonica. I remember when I started that I didn't understand why a harmonica had different letters on them.
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I like parties, but I don't like piñatas because the pinata promotes violence against flamboyant animals. Hey, there's a donkey with some pizzazz. Let's kick its ass.
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Socrates became a trendsetter. Other philosophers, including Plato and Aristotle and Gus, quickly followed suit, dropping their last names too. And, for centuries after that there would be countless imitators including oltaire, Michelangelo, and, much later, Cher.
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Futon World - a wonderful place that becomes slowly less comfortable over time.
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I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything.
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I go the gym and I try to run on the treadmill and I listen to music but it doesn't motivate me enough. So I'm going to get a recording of a pack of wolves gaining on me. People would be like, 'Why is that guy crying on that treadmill over there?' 'I don't know, but he's been yelling, 'help' for like 20 minutes. He's getting a good workout.
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Automatic paper towel dispensers are a solution to something that was never a problem in the first place.
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It would be interesting if Elvis were reincarnated as an Elvis impersonator.
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To get strangers to hate you even faster, crank up the volume on that very interesting ringtone of yours.
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I'm always excited to try something I haven't done.
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