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It is a little ironic that one thing a babysitter should not do is sit on a baby.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Babysitter
Ironic
Baby
Littles
Little
Thing
More quotes by Demetri Martin
I like to go to concerts because I love to see my favorite band through the phone of the asshole who's standing in front of me.
Demetri Martin
I used to get bummed out when it rained then I realized that it's God's way of washing off hippies.
Demetri Martin
Checkers taught me that a King is a man with another man on top of him. But life taught me that that's actually called a Queen.
Demetri Martin
One time I saw an old man in a hurry and I thought, 'That makes sense.'
Demetri Martin
Canoe plus waterfall equals I don't go camping anymore.
Demetri Martin
The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
Demetri Martin
A jerk on a motorcycle is equal to a leaf, because I find it beautiful when these things fall.
Demetri Martin
Last week I lost my temper in my karate class. Man, I'm not doing that again until I'm a black belt. Because I can tell you there's a difference between taking karate and receiving karate.
Demetri Martin
There's a very fine line between giving someone the Heimlich maneuver and dry-humping a stranger.
Demetri Martin
I find that a shirt is most similar to a napkin when I don't have a napkin.
Demetri Martin
Brought to you by raising your voice. The next best thing to being right.
Demetri Martin
Overheard today in restaurant: Can you stop listening to our conversation?
Demetri Martin
I can move objects with my mind, if I use my hands.
Demetri Martin
When I was a kid, I always wanted to live in California because I liked skateboarding.
Demetri Martin
The bird, the bee, the running child are all the same to the sliding glass door.
Demetri Martin
To remove blood stains from your conscience try frozen margaritas.
Demetri Martin
But I found that disappointing people is a good thing, because disapproval is freedom.
Demetri Martin
Fire truck with back end on fire drives really fast in circles.
Demetri Martin
For me and most of my friends who are comedians, if you've been doing comedy for a while, your tolerance for things actually moves. I find it very hard to be shocked, and when other people aggressively take offense to something, I'm sometimes confused.
Demetri Martin
I was stuck in traffic and I looked in the mirror and in the car behind me there was a couple having a horrible argument and right below their image it said Objects In Mirror Are Closer Than They Appear. I just thought, man I hope so because she was pretty mad.
Demetri Martin
