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I'm a body builder, but I don't use weights. I use snacks. It's kind of a different building process.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Builder
Weight
Building
Process
Use
Body
Different
Snacks
Kind
Weights
More quotes by Demetri Martin
I never went bungee jumping. The closest I did was I was born.
Demetri Martin
But I found that disappointing people is a good thing, because disapproval is freedom.
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A couple weeks ago I was on the street and I saw an ugly pregnant lady, and I just thought, 'Good for you.'
Demetri Martin
I never set out to do a sketch show.
Demetri Martin
Americans who do not celebrate Independence Day: pets.
Demetri Martin
I don't know what the long form of OK is. I wanna think it's okie dokie. 'I'm okie dokie. I'm a little shaken up, but I'm okie dokie.' 'The good news is, she's okie dokie. The surgery went fine.'
Demetri Martin
It's not enough to say I'm sorry. You have to also mean it. It's the same with saying I'm single.
Demetri Martin
Do you have any Greek in you? That was just a tactful way of asking if you're pregnant. If you're not, then let's break up.
Demetri Martin
I need to develop some patience - immediately.
Demetri Martin
Why are there not positive mysteries? It's always who stole the diamond, or who killed the butler? How about... who made cookies, somebody cleaned my room.
Demetri Martin
There's a very fine line between giving someone the Heimlich maneuver and dry-humping a stranger.
Demetri Martin
It is interesting that the black BMW is the preferred car of so many assholes.
Demetri Martin
I'm not a lawmaker, but I was thinking that if you have a really loud ring tone, maybe you should be stabbed in the ear?
Demetri Martin
It feels like every day or two, people on Twitter and the Internet are outraged about something.
Demetri Martin
Nothing wise was ever printed upon an apron.
Demetri Martin
Count your blessings, but not out-loud, at the top of your lungs.
Demetri Martin
Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.
Demetri Martin
If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I'd probably just start calling out letters.
Demetri Martin
The bird, the bee, the running child are all the same to the sliding glass door.
Demetri Martin
This is a pie chart about procrastination.
Demetri Martin