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One of the most difficult and ironic murder weapons is the life jacket.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Weapons
Difficult
Life
Jacket
Jackets
Ironic
Murder

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My friend says touche way too much. He's a touche bag.
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I think, at first blush, the '60s always enticed me. There's something about the '60s, it's not hard to like it.
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I am a comedian but it's usually not a compliment to be called a prop comedian but I guess I sometimes use props. And I always confuse humorist with comedian. That's strange.
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It's funny: when people always talk about the importance of role models, I used to think that was so exaggerated, but as I get older, I start to realize I don't feel that way so much anymore. If you see somebody like you who's doing something, an older version of what you are, it does make you feel like it's more possible.
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It would be interesting if Elvis were reincarnated as an Elvis impersonator.
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There's a store in my neighborhood called Futon World. I like that name, 'Futon World.' Makes me think of a magical place that gets less and less comfortable over time.
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I wish I lived next to Carnegie Hall. Then, if someone asked me how to get to my house, I would just say 'Practice, practice, practice, and then take a left.'
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Fire truck with back end on fire drives really fast in circles.
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A sports bar is a way to take a bar and fill it with even more annoying people than usual.
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A parade looks like a bunch of people are excited about being in traffic.
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Whenever I see an autobiography for sale in the book store i just flip to the about the author section. I'm like, Done, next!
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People and squirrels are very different. Most people will not argue that. But I find that there is one situation in which they're very similar. And that is: when I am driving towards them in my car. Then they're kind of hard to tell apart - especially if the human is kind of hairy.
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When I was a kid, I always wanted to live in California because I liked skateboarding.
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In retrospect, everything is finite, but prospectively, there are infinite possibilities. I guess that's what makes life hopeful.
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Vampire fad just won't die. Makes sense, I guess.
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Yes, okay, it's cool to be quirky, maybe, on the side. Do some puzzles, make puzzles, whatever, learn how to ride a unicycle. That's cool when it's on the side and you have a plan. What happens when you remove the plan? What you're left with is a guy who likes to do anagrams. And doesn't have a job... Sweet, that's a catch.
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Cotton candy is the perfect snack for when I'm in the mood to eat dry, scratchy fabric.
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Now I got a time machine at home. It only goes foreword at regular speed. It's essentially a cardboard box and on the outside I wrote time machine in sharpie.
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Usually, I walk around and think about things. When I come across a thought that makes me laugh, I write it down.
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They say that structure is freedom, and in a sense it is. When you're dealing with multiple constraints, you have to figure out what you can get out of that.
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