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One of the most difficult and ironic murder weapons is the life jacket.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Life
Jacket
Jackets
Ironic
Murder
Weapons
Difficult

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The best way to make somebody feel important is to try to assassinate them.
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To look like you are a real sports fan, when there is a game on TV just yell, Oh, come on! every now and then at the TV.
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Swimming is a confusing sport, because sometimes you do it for fun, and other times you do it to not die. And when I'm swimming, sometimes I'm not sure which one it is.
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When I am at rodeo I find it difficult not to root for the animals.
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If I were blind, I'd wear a blindfold all the time.
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I learned this summer that peeing in the pool and peeing INTO the pool are very different things. Location, Location, Location.
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One of my favorite clothing patterns is camouflage. Because when you're in the woods it makes you blend in. But when you're not it does just the opposite. It's like, 'Hey, there's an asshole.'
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I wanna buy a bunch of hermit crabs and make them live together.
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Easy way to make someone sound less powerful, just put DJ in front of their name... ..DJ Abraham Lincoln
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I wasn't even a big comedy nerd. A lot of the comedians I know - a lot of my friends are comedians - they knew a lot about comedy growing up.
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Dogs seem more photogenic than cats. In photos most cats look like sociopaths.
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I just started doing this one-man show, and I wanted to be able to score it, so I bought a guitar, and got a keyboard and got a harmonica. I remember when I started that I didn't understand why a harmonica had different letters on them.
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I think it would be cool if you were writing a ransom note on your computer, if the paper clip popped up and said, 'Looks like you're writing a ransom note. Need help? You should use more forceful language, you'll get more money.'
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It feels like every day or two, people on Twitter and the Internet are outraged about something.
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