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One of the most difficult and ironic murder weapons is the life jacket.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Difficult
Life
Jacket
Jackets
Ironic
Murder
Weapons

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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In retrospect, everything is finite, but prospectively, there are infinite possibilities. I guess that's what makes life hopeful.
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There's a very fine line between giving someone the Heimlich maneuver and dry-humping a stranger.
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I wanna design a video game where you'd have to take care of all the people shot in all the other video games.
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I was on the train the other day, and I heard somebody say, I'm really good at checkers. That's the same thing as saying, I'm not good at very many things.
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A know-it-all is a person who knows everything except for how annoying he is.
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To remove blood stains from your conscience try frozen margaritas.
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Once I started to look i finally began to see.
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I like digital cameras, because they enable you to reminisce immediately.
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Whenever I see an autobiography for sale in the book store i just flip to the about the author section. I'm like, Done, next!
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I think a lot of stuff I find funny is from day dreaming.
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I like parties, but I don't like piñatas because the pinata promotes violence against flamboyant animals. Hey, there's a donkey with some pizzazz. Let's kick its ass.
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Swimming is a confusing sport, because sometimes you do it for fun, and other times you do it to not die. And when I'm swimming, sometimes I'm not sure which one it is.
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The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you're signing somebody's cast.
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A couple weeks ago I was on the street and I saw an ugly pregnant lady, and I just thought, 'Good for you.'
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Never be less interesting than your refrigerator magnets.
Demetri Martin
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I'm a producer on my show, which is great, but it's also kind of a mixed blessing because there's so much responsibility. Everything is a decision. You have to worry about the money, you have to worry about daylight, who we're going to cast and if this location doesn't work out, what are we going to do?
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If you remove a treehouse from a tree, than it's just a shitty house. Sometimes when i'm in a shitty house, I like to imagine that it's in a tree, than it's like Woah, this house is amazing.
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What I've learned about my self over the years is that I'm pretty restless. If I multitask it's probably because I have difficulty just focusing on one thing.
Demetri Martin
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To look like you are a real sports fan, when there is a game on TV just yell, Oh, come on! every now and then at the TV.
Demetri Martin
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It's very easy to turn a toy into an adult toy: Location, location, location.
Demetri Martin