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One of the most difficult and ironic murder weapons is the life jacket.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Life
Jacket
Jackets
Ironic
Murder
Weapons
Difficult

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I wanna put stickers on turtles... I don't know why.
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When there's someone who's dead and then someone does something that that person would not have liked, they say that that person is spinning in their grave. But I don't understand why they say that. Why is spinning the way that a corpse shows disapproval?
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If you happen to catch on fire during the show, do not panic or wave your arms around or scream or we wil give something to panic and wave you arms around and scream about.
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I want to launch a globe into space just to mess with the astronauts.
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To get strangers to hate you even faster, crank up the volume on that very interesting ringtone of yours.
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How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.
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I do come across people who don't like me, don't like my comedy, don't think it's funny, it's too cutesy, or whatever they hate. And it's like, Okay. That's your opinion. Somebody liked it, so that's good. Hopefully it balances out.
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My friend has hand soap that smells like coconut. It's nice. Unless your hands are dirty from coconuts.
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I just found out that I have more allies than America!
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I wish my name started with a comma. That would be so dramatic.
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The lord works in mysterious ways. Indeed. And a shorter way to say that is: God is a sneak.
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You are ten times more likely to get hit by a car when the driver is aiming for you.
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I wanna design a video game where you'd have to take care of all the people shot in all the other video games.
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If you drink enough beer, everything turns in to a bed.
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I wanna see a snake eat spaghetti.
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I like to stand near ATM machines, and when somebody types in their pin number, I go, 'Got it!' And then I run away.
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Once I started to look i finally began to see.
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When I am holding a water balloon, so many things look so unnecessarily dry.
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The boomerang is Australia's chief export (and then import).
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