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When I am at rodeo I find it difficult not to root for the animals.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Animal
Difficult
Find
Rodeo
Root
Roots
Animals

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I think, at first blush, the '60s always enticed me. There's something about the '60s, it's not hard to like it.
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If I make my window ten days for stand-up, the conclusion is that I failed and that I'm not good at stand-up. If I make it ten years - if I just wait - the conclusion might be something totally different. I think it's so cool to do things in which you discover the malleability of your own mind.
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Vampire fad just won't die. Makes sense, I guess.
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I got myself a really nice nib pen, with like 15 kinds of India Ink, and tons of different nibs I think I was just procrastinating, like, once I have the right nib, the book is just going to jump right out of my fingertips... but then it just ended up looking like the shitty drawings that I usually do.
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My mind says one thing, but my body says another. Thanks a lot, Indian food and beer.
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When people show me pictures of their kids, it's okay. But when I give them a picture of me, to show to their kids, I'm weird. What kind of one way street is that?
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I was a good student when I was a kid, and I did everything I was supposed to do, and I got A's.
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I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything.
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Why are there not positive mysteries? It's always who stole the diamond, or who killed the butler? How about... who made cookies, somebody cleaned my room.
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I think it would be cool if you were writing a ransom note on your computer, if the paper clip popped up and said, 'Looks like you're writing a ransom note. Need help? You should use more forceful language, you'll get more money.'
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There's an old Russian saying that goes some way or another. I don't know it. I don't speak Russian. But sometimes I think about it and wonder if it's relevant to what I'm going through at the time. Probably not. I mean what do Russian know about hunger, anyway?
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When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.
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I wanna buy a bunch of hermit crabs and make them live together.
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I'm very hip-oriented. I focus on hips in my comedy - probably more than any other hipster comic who is out there hipping today. My hips, other hips. I work with my hips a great deal. That is what I do. But not in a gay way.
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Don't forget to turn your clocks back today if you don't want your clocks to be set to the right time.
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I've heard of many chocoholics, but I ain't never seen no chocohol. We got an epidemic, people: people who like chocolate but don't understand word endings. They're probably over-workaholled.
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You are ten times more likely to get hit by a car when the driver is aiming for you.
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You get really disillusioned, because you thought you were in love. But you realize that you're just alone.
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It's Thursday and it really feels like a Thursday. Sometimes things just work out.
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Right now someone out there is struggling and starting to panic because they can't get out of a tempurpedic bed.
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