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When I am at rodeo I find it difficult not to root for the animals.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Animal
Difficult
Find
Rodeo
Root
Roots
Animals
More quotes by Demetri Martin
The problem with my balloon collection is that people always think there's a party. Settle down. It's not a party. It's just balloons.
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A cool tattoo design is any drawing that would also look good saggy.
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If you stretched the average person's intestines out from end to end, it would make them scream a lot.
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A parade looks like a bunch of people are excited about being in traffic.
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My plumbing is all screwed up. Because it turns out, I do not own a garbage disposal.
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Halloween: the day each year when strangers give you even more specific reasons to dislike them based on what they are wearing.
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I'm a body builder, but I don't use weights. I use snacks. It's kind of a different building process.
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I went into a clothing store, and the lady asked me what size I was. I said, 'Actual'. I'm not to scale.
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The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you're signing somebody's cast.
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Don't forget to turn your clocks back today if you don't want your clocks to be set to the right time.
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Halloween's my favorite holiday because you don't have to spend it with your family.
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Checkers taught me that a King is a man with another man on top of him. But life taught me that that's actually called a Queen.
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A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.
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I don't know what the long form of OK is. I wanna think it's okie dokie. 'I'm okie dokie. I'm a little shaken up, but I'm okie dokie.' 'The good news is, she's okie dokie. The surgery went fine.'
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Turtles are greater than baby nephews, because it's ok to drop a turtle.
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I never set out to do a sketch show.
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People and squirrels are very different. Most people will not argue that. But I find that there is one situation in which they're very similar. And that is: when I am driving towards them in my car. Then they're kind of hard to tell apart - especially if the human is kind of hairy.
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A know-it-all is a person who knows everything except for how annoying he is.
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I got into stand up just to do stand up because I love stand up.
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It feels like every day or two, people on Twitter and the Internet are outraged about something.
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