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When I am at rodeo I find it difficult not to root for the animals.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Difficult
Find
Rodeo
Root
Roots
Animals
Animal

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My friend has hand soap that smells like coconut. It's nice. Unless your hands are dirty from coconuts.
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If you remove a treehouse from a tree, than it's just a shitty house. Sometimes when i'm in a shitty house, I like to imagine that it's in a tree, than it's like Woah, this house is amazing.
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A sports bar is a way to take a bar and fill it with even more annoying people than usual.
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Brought to you by raising your voice. The next best thing to being right.
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Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.
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Sometimes it looks like I'm dancing, but it's just that I walked into a spider web.
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I think there are so many little hurdles and impediments with stand-up that you'd need to have this insane desire to do it if you didn't have something that clicked right away.
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I equals all of the ifs added up over time. The ifs, those are the possibilities that's infinite for all of us. Every day there are just millions of them. Time, that's finite for each of us there is no question there. Maybe if you divide choices by the amount of time you have, the real I can emerge, depending upon those choices.
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Don't talk to strangers. Sure, unless you want to meet anyone ever.
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There's a very fine line between giving someone the Heimlich maneuver and dry-humping a stranger.
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Turtles are greater than baby nephews, because it's ok to drop a turtle.
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Vampire fad just won't die. Makes sense, I guess.
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There are very few songs about just liking someone as a friend.
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A human head looks the least scary when it is attached.
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To me, comedy is a game.
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When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.
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I was seeing this girl and she wanted to get more serious. But I wasn't ready to, I had just gotten out of a difficult relationship before that. So I said to her, 'Listen, you have to understand something. Relationships are like eyebrows. It's better when there's a space between them.' And that's coming from a Greek guy.
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Yes, okay, it's cool to be quirky, maybe, on the side. Do some puzzles, make puzzles, whatever, learn how to ride a unicycle. That's cool when it's on the side and you have a plan. What happens when you remove the plan? What you're left with is a guy who likes to do anagrams. And doesn't have a job... Sweet, that's a catch.
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I was student council president in high school, and even in law school, I was vice-president of the student bar association.
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Never forget where you came from. That's what I think when I walk into a cave.
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