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Don't talk to strangers. Sure, unless you want to meet anyone ever.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Anyone
Sure
Talk
Ever
Strangers
Stranger
Meet
Unless
More quotes by Demetri Martin
When a Dalmatian sees a cow he must be like, 'What the hell happened to him? I am high right now. That dalmatian is fat and smeary.' When the cow sees the Dalmatian he must be like, 'He looks amazing. I am so out of shape, this is ridiculous. My tits are on the ground here.
Demetri Martin
I want to commit a crime during a reenactment, and turn it into an enactment.
Demetri Martin
Sometimes it looks like I'm dancing, but it's just that I walked into a spider web.
Demetri Martin
I wanna put stickers on turtles... I don't know why.
Demetri Martin
I like digital cameras, because they enable you to reminisce immediately.
Demetri Martin
I believe in empathy. When religion provides that for people, it's the best thing in the world.
Demetri Martin
I ordered a wake-up call the other day. The phone rang and a woman's voice said, 'What the hell are you doing with your life?'
Demetri Martin
To get strangers to hate you even faster, crank up the volume on that very interesting ringtone of yours.
Demetri Martin
My policy is 'No stone throwing regardless of housing situation.'
Demetri Martin
I don't know if I'll ever be a master at anything, but I think that's a mistake for me personally. I don't know how much it's about the journey, but it's more about the process.
Demetri Martin
I think a lot of people who watch TV don't realize when they're watch TV shows and it says 'produced by' and producer, producer... there are all these producers. What the hell does a producer do? It's funny how much you have to worry about as a producer.
Demetri Martin
If only loud people were even half as interesting as they think they are.
Demetri Martin
I wasn't the class clown, but I was starting to become the crazy guy at law school, which is the guy who is not so much crazy as annoying.
Demetri Martin
A Wednesday with no rain is a dry hump day.
Demetri Martin
Usually, I walk around and think about things. When I come across a thought that makes me laugh, I write it down.
Demetri Martin
I am what I eat. And I am this especially when I bite my nails.
Demetri Martin
Overheard today in restaurant: Can you stop listening to our conversation?
Demetri Martin
I love motor learning because it's very basic and primal. A lot of what I like to learn correlates with the opposite of what gets you laid. I can ride a unicycle and I can juggle. These are unimpressive things to know.
Demetri Martin
When I trip, I feel like that's the world saying come here for a second. It just pulls me closer for a second, yeah what do you want? I just want to remind you that you're uncoordinated. I'm aware of that, thank you... can I go now? Yeah, you can go, but never ever try to outrun me. Ok, world, see you later. Yeah, I'll see you in about 50 years.
Demetri Martin
If you want to dry hump someone you don't know, just act like they were choking.
Demetri Martin
