Quote

Don't talk to strangers. Sure, unless you want to meet anyone ever.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Anyone
Sure
Talk
Ever
Strangers
Stranger
Meet
Unless

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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I wanna buy a bunch of hermit crabs and make them live together.
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I believe in empathy. When religion provides that for people, it's the best thing in the world.
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I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.
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I didn't do improv in college, I never performed, I didn't do theater either. I was in student government, I was a history major.
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The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.
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One thing you never hear is Man that guy is good at badminton.
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I think my favorite sound is the sound of someone not playing the bongos.
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The shortest distance between two idiots is a conga line.
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A dreamcatcher works, if your dream is to be gay.
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When someone shows you a picture of their kids what they don't want to hear is Oh, yeah, I got pictures of your kid too.
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My plumbing is all screwed up. Because it turns out, I do not own a garbage disposal.
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A couple weeks ago I was on the street and I saw an ugly pregnant lady, and I just thought, 'Good for you.'
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I ordered a wake-up call the other day. The phone rang and a woman's voice said, 'What the hell are you doing with your life?'
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I think it would be cool if you were writing a ransom note on your computer, if the paper clip popped up and said, 'Looks like you're writing a ransom note. Need help? You should use more forceful language, you'll get more money.'
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I was a good student when I was a kid, and I did everything I was supposed to do, and I got A's.
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Don't forget to turn your clocks back today if you don't want your clocks to be set to the right time.
Demetri Martin
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I got some new pajamas with pockets in 'em. Which is great, because before that, I used to have to hold stuff when I slept. But now I'm like, 'Where's my planner? There it is. Keep sleeping. All right, perfect.'
Demetri Martin
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I care about politics, but I have a tough time making comedy out of it. I was so happy to have a chance to be on The Daily Show, and I think Jon Stewart's so funny... but mostly in my own comedy, I care about less relevant things.
Demetri Martin
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I wasn't even a big comedy nerd. A lot of the comedians I know - a lot of my friends are comedians - they knew a lot about comedy growing up.
Demetri Martin
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I was walking in the park and this guy waved at me. Then he said, 'I'm sorry, I thought you were someone else.' I said, 'I am.'
Demetri Martin