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When people show me pictures of their kids, it's okay. But when I give them a picture of me, to show to their kids, I'm weird. What kind of one way street is that?
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Giving
Street
Kind
Picture
Way
Okay
People
Streets
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Shows
Kids
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Weird
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To me, comedy is a game.
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My plumbing is all screwed up. Because it turns out, I do not own a garbage disposal.
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I like stand-up. But I'd also like a family and house and a yard. I want to work with a lot of people, have colleagues and on good film sets, there's people there that work with the same people for years and years. I love that collaborative spirit in that medium. Comedy is a lot more solitary.
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You mock those who blindly follow the majority...turn your attention now to those who are so dedicated to deviating from the norm that they would gladly cease breathing if it were suggested to them that inhalation was a form of conformity for they deserve just as much scrutiny and ridicule.
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I think hair gel was invented to make it easier to identify assholes from a distance.
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It seems that man's greatest natural enemy is the target.
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There's a store in my neighborhood called Futon World. I like that name, 'Futon World.' Makes me think of a magical place that gets less and less comfortable over time.
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I am a comedian but it's usually not a compliment to be called a prop comedian but I guess I sometimes use props. And I always confuse humorist with comedian. That's strange.
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There are very few songs about just liking someone as a friend.
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I believe in empathy. When religion provides that for people, it's the best thing in the world.
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I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything.
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I bought a dictionary. First thing I did was, I looked up the word dictionary, and it said you're an asshole.
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A jerk on a motorcycle is equal to a leaf, because I find it beautiful when these things fall.
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I just found out that I have more allies than America!
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Overheard today in restaurant: Can you stop listening to our conversation?
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You never forget your first kiss. And that's what makes it so hard to forgive my uncle.
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People only mention it's a free country if they're doing something shitty.
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I like playing frisbee. It is the only sport where you can throw something at a person and it's okay.
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If I make my window ten days for stand-up, the conclusion is that I failed and that I'm not good at stand-up. If I make it ten years - if I just wait - the conclusion might be something totally different. I think it's so cool to do things in which you discover the malleability of your own mind.
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