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When people show me pictures of their kids, it's okay. But when I give them a picture of me, to show to their kids, I'm weird. What kind of one way street is that?

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Way
Okay
People
Streets
Show
Shows
Kids
Pictures
Give
Weird
Giving
Street
Kind
Picture

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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As a comic, I think I'm very verbally oriented about a lot of the stuff that I've written or thought up and how I say it.
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The key to life is balance, especially if you are on a ledge.
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Fire truck with back end on fire drives really fast in circles.
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The lord works in mysterious ways. Indeed. And a shorter way to say that is: God is a sneak.
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It's interesting to be an adult and to have that level of ignorance about something, because the nice part about is you get that discovery. The learning curve is so rich and steep.
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Brought to you by raising your voice. The next best thing to being right.
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A parade looks like a bunch of people are excited about being in traffic.
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In retrospect, everything is finite, but prospectively, there are infinite possibilities. I guess that's what makes life hopeful.
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How many of you are creative? I don't know, but for me, when you make a bunch of things over time and then you keep them... you forget. I look through my sketchbooks and I'm an audience for myself.
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I like birthdays because we celebrate life with cakes. It's so cool. Sometimes when I see a baby, I'm like that much more cake in the world. But then when someone dies, I'm like the cake streak is over.
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I want to launch a globe into space just to mess with the astronauts.
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If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I'd probably just start calling out letters.
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If I make my window ten days for stand-up, the conclusion is that I failed and that I'm not good at stand-up. If I make it ten years - if I just wait - the conclusion might be something totally different. I think it's so cool to do things in which you discover the malleability of your own mind.
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One of my favorite clothing patterns is camouflage. Because when you're in the woods it makes you blend in. But when you're not it does just the opposite. It's like, 'Hey, there's an asshole.'
Demetri Martin
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I was seeing this girl and she wanted to get more serious. But I wasn't ready to, I had just gotten out of a difficult relationship before that. So I said to her, 'Listen, you have to understand something. Relationships are like eyebrows. It's better when there's a space between them.' And that's coming from a Greek guy.
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I've learned something on the road, traveling around: state shapes. The easier it is to draw the shape of the state, the harder it is to live in that state. So, if you live in a regular polygon, get the hell outta there. You gotta move to a squiggly area. Culture's attracted to squiggles.
Demetri Martin
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I think it's cool when an ex-girlfriend becomes an XL girlfriend.
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I think it would be worse to get mauled by a dancing bear than just a regular bear because you can't totally blame the dancing bear.
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Checkers taught me that a King is a man with another man on top of him. But life taught me that that's actually called a Queen.
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I never set out to do a sketch show.
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