Quote

I don't like thank you cards because I don't know what else to say. What do I put on the inside? See Front.

Demetri Martin

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Inside
Else
Like
Cards
Thank
Fronts
Front

More quotes by Demetri Martin

Image
But I found that disappointing people is a good thing, because disapproval is freedom.
Demetri Martin
Image
A Wednesday with no rain is a dry hump day.
Demetri Martin
Image
One time I saw an old man in a hurry and I thought, 'That makes sense.'
Demetri Martin
Image
I'm a producer on my show, which is great, but it's also kind of a mixed blessing because there's so much responsibility. Everything is a decision. You have to worry about the money, you have to worry about daylight, who we're going to cast and if this location doesn't work out, what are we going to do?
Demetri Martin
Image
When people show me pictures of their kids, it's okay. But when I give them a picture of me, to show to their kids, I'm weird. What kind of one way street is that?
Demetri Martin
Image
The bird, the bee, the running child are all the same to the sliding glass door.
Demetri Martin
Image
Dogs seem more photogenic than cats. In photos most cats look like sociopaths.
Demetri Martin
Image
I like parties, but I don't like piñatas because the pinata promotes violence against flamboyant animals. Hey, there's a donkey with some pizzazz. Let's kick its ass.
Demetri Martin
Image
I'm always excited to try something I haven't done.
Demetri Martin
Image
I equals all of the ifs added up over time. The ifs, those are the possibilities that's infinite for all of us. Every day there are just millions of them. Time, that's finite for each of us there is no question there. Maybe if you divide choices by the amount of time you have, the real I can emerge, depending upon those choices.
Demetri Martin
Image
When watering your plants, try to talk to them - say something like, Hold it right there and then shoot them with water gun.
Demetri Martin
Image
When I was a kid, I always wanted to live in California because I liked skateboarding.
Demetri Martin
Image
Vampire fad just won't die. Makes sense, I guess.
Demetri Martin
Image
I went into a clothing store, and the lady asked me what size I was. I said, 'Actual'. I'm not to scale.
Demetri Martin
Image
I do come across people who don't like me, don't like my comedy, don't think it's funny, it's too cutesy, or whatever they hate. And it's like, Okay. That's your opinion. Somebody liked it, so that's good. Hopefully it balances out.
Demetri Martin
Image
If I make my window ten days for stand-up, the conclusion is that I failed and that I'm not good at stand-up. If I make it ten years - if I just wait - the conclusion might be something totally different. I think it's so cool to do things in which you discover the malleability of your own mind.
Demetri Martin
Image
I have fun acting, and I want to do more of it, and I want to direct my own movie.
Demetri Martin
Image
I wonder what the most intelligent thing ever said was that started with the word 'dude.' 'Dude, these are isotopes.' 'Dude, we removed your kidney. You're gonna be fine.' 'Dude, I am so stoked to win this Nobel Prize. I just wanna thank Kevin, and Turtle, and all my homies.'
Demetri Martin
Image
The best way to make somebody feel important is to try to assassinate them.
Demetri Martin
Image
Turtles are greater than baby nephews, because it's ok to drop a turtle.
Demetri Martin